it's the little things you miss

2009-07-16T13:31:00.000-07:00

so if i end up in UC's SLP masters program,

ryan & i will move in together.

big news.

i'm screaming i love you so but my thoughts you can't decode.

2009-07-09T17:57:00.000-07:00

dude this summer is so lame!

my summer classes are kicking my ass

i'm flat broke and need 4gs for school by sept.

the fourth did rule!

i saw an AWESOME reds game.

i still miss my baby a.rosales.

set off too many fireworks

and hung out with a lot of sweet people.

next week:

harry potter premier!

copeland!

katie lake!

yah!

Drive onto Me.

2009-06-26T19:14:00.000-07:00

hanging out with kids is amazing.

i can't wait until its my profession.

having a degree and still doing nothing is not amazing.

hit the lights covered my absolute favorite Elliott song!

i'm just impressed someone in the world listens to Elliott

(other than my lover boy & me!)

right now I'm in love with:

+the hangover because I am a bro

+ my new, blue DSi

+animal crossing wild world!

2009-06-15T22:24:00.000-07:00

NEWS FLASH:

I AM NOT GETTING MARRIED ANYTIME SOON...

so please stop asking.

please come home.

2009-06-13T16:21:00.000-07:00

i feel like fighting with everyone right now. i called my sister a bitch four times on the way home from the airport today and i already want to punch ryan in the throat and i haven't even seen him yet.

moving on, my two summer classes cost me 2gs! I found out this week that my leveling classes are offered 3 per quarter so I have to go from Summer-Spring without being a full time student (ie no health insurance) and since leveling courses aren't "degree seeking" I do not qualify for ANY finical aid. Cool party.

On the GRE front, I bought two study books and just need to schedule a test to motivate me to crack their spines.

Florida was nice, well... it was cheap and I got to chillax with my family. I took a three hour nap when I got home today. I napped almost everyday I was down there. The beach wears a girl out. I also got sun poisoning. That is not an exaggeration either. I hurled because of it and i still have this HUGE blister on my back... skin cancer is probably in my near future.

I need to find a big kid, or at the very least a bigger kid job soon. I'm starting to resent the squirrel. I have being a college grad working at a restaurant... yeah, I have a B.S. and work for 3.65 an hour.

anyway, a short list of sweet things in my life:

+"extremely loud & incredibly close" by Jonathan Safran Foer

+true blood & weeds new season.

+the genius program on my ipod.

2009-05-27T16:20:00.000-07:00

ugh my room will never be clean again. some one come take half of my wardrobe.

i think i want an anchor tattoo when jesse starts up again.

how original.

i'm so crafty these days.

if you want a feathered barrette, call me!

new moon.

2009-05-22T19:32:00.000-07:00

life post graduation is sort of depressing. i haven't applied for any jobs since i start summer school in July, but I started looking in to volunteering at Children's, which would be awesome, I just have to jump through a lot of hoop in order to do so. I think it will be worth it, so I'm going to attempt it.

Last summer at this time I had two jobs and worked a TON, but this summer so far I've really just sat on my bed and downloaded music and played Vortex on my ipod. I need some sort of pressure to feel normal. I just feel so worthless with all this free time.

I think it's about time I move out. I know it will break my dad's heart, but I really don't know how much longer I can keep up this facade that I'm some 17 year old. I want to decorate my own place and I want to hang out in my underpants without getting yelled at.

I'm getting weirdly antsy about getting married. My logical side keeps winning out. I'm too young. I'm too naive. and Ryan isn't ready. I just really want to live with him, but I'm nervous if I agree to move in with him there will be no motivation to get married.

Ugh. I need to start going out... this is ridiculous.

750.

2009-05-09T22:55:00.000-07:00

So as of today I am a graduate of Northern Kentucky University.

it's weird typing that. I care barely believe that I have spent four years in college. I've worked so hard and really cannot believe that I graduated on time. I started school aimless and as much as I enjoyed the comfort of Raymond Walters, I think that choosing NKU was one of the best things I have ever done. Although my parents have always been super supportive and I cannot even begin to explain how grateful I am to them, they basically cut off my college funding after my associates and really didn't do much as far as guiding me about what to do next. I knew I couldn't afford to continue at UC, go to Xavier or Miami, but NKU was something I hoped I could manage. And after some 40+ hour work weeks, weekends of babysitting, being 22 and still living at home, I'm so proud to say that I financed these last two years of school, books, supplies, parking passes and graduation expenses all without ever taking out a loan. Not to toot my own horn, but I'm just really grateful I was able to do all this without too much help.

I tried all day to keep it together, but my eyes were misted for most of the day. As I was sitting waiting to get my diploma I just kept thinking about what I huge accomplishment and stepping stone this is. My parents hugged me and told me how proud they were all day. And they were just glowing, which felt really nice. I even held it together when I received a card from my great Aunt in New York which ended: "I know your grandma would be so proud", but when I came home tonight I had a final unopened card on my dresser. It was from my mom and dad and as I read it, I just couldn't hold it back any longer. I know I'm continuing on with my education and that anymore EVERYONE gets a college degree, but really it is a lot of work and a big risk. I just want to thank everyone who has been in my life for the past four years. I feel like I've grown so much and am so grateful for everyone in my life. Today I feel truly blessed. To be honest, it's one if not the happiest day of my life.

B.

2009-05-08T10:56:00.001-07:00

Leighton Meester can actually kind of sing. weird.

2009-05-05T23:36:00.001-07:00

life is pretty good right now.

2009-05-03T23:01:00.001-07:00

i guess i'll never be too old for pop punk.

what a sweet birthday weekend.

101

2009-05-01T20:39:00.000-07:00

for my birthday, ryan got me a 120 gb ipod with "Lauren Gray You Are My Sunshine" engraved on the back.

rounding third...

2009-04-30T23:41:00.000-07:00

susie sent me a link to this!

sweet red knees, lg.

yes, please.

2009-04-29T21:33:00.000-07:00

gryffindor!

sun rays & happy days

2009-04-24T12:11:00.000-07:00

i love spring so much. i love wearing dresses without leggings and sandals and sunshine.

the next few weeks are so exciting:

i'm off saturday and sunday this weeked! on sunday we're going to a reds game!

this is my last week of class! I'm already finished with my cog. lab and know i got an 96 in the class.

american politics just has a final left, which is whatever.

assessment just has an open book open notes online final.

io just has a paper and an open book final.

death dying and grief has an online final.

alcoholism has 2 more quizzes and an online final.

thursday katie is having a "rave" i guess for my birthday.

friday is my actual birthday, which i have to entire day off! no class, no work!

sunday i'm going to cbus with sav to see NFG!

then the following saturday i graduate and have my graduation party!

life is so good right now.

SUPdate:

2009-04-15T20:45:00.000-07:00

graduation is right around the corner now(may 9th). I'm so nervous and excited! i'm having a grad party later that day, but it's not a big deal since I'll be starting at UC this summer, so I'm not really finished with school.

i need a new phone, any suggestions? I'm sticking with verizon and do not want a blackberry.

ry is talking about buying a condo! he wants me to move in, which would be super exciting because it would be super class to my house and still be my own place and my half of the rent would be super manageable, however I set up this rule where I won't move out with him until we're engaged... so so much for that idea. Oh well, I'll help decorate and spend a lot of time there if it actually happens.

i don't care what anyone says mewithoutyou is amazing. Every release is so original and fresh and well crafted. speaking of music, I miss my loves tonight because I had to work for John. Boo. I like managing at work though, its more laid back and I make really good money.

i'm dogsitting this weekend. does that make anyone else laugh?

idk if chicago is happening now. Idk if I even care really. Isn't that bad? I'm a little hermit anymore. I only go out to pick up hygiene products from target and take pictures by myself. Sad thing is that I am content with that. I do see Katie from time to time, which I love. I'm so very happy for her new chapter in life.

big love is my new series of interest. i wish netflix would make it available for online viewing so i didn't have to watch the poor quality videos online.

sav & i are going to columbus for a show. I'm really excited to spend time with her again. I've missed her friendship.

oh it's almost my birthday, but I don't really want to be 22, so let's just act like it isn't going to happen. k?thanks.

2009-03-31T09:49:00.000-07:00

ew. the girl who sat next to me in Cognitive Lab smelled like old weed and body oder. It made me want to barf.

I have so much work to do in all of my classes and graduation stuff and leveling stuff at UC to worry about, but I'm actually not stressed. Cool.

I just want to quit my job and just take pictures all day long. It's all I think about lately.

There might be something wrong with me, nothing ever sounds tasty anymore and I can only drink water... I'll start to drink soda and get grossed out and stop. Weird.

I took this yoga class last week and I think I want to continue. It was super relaxing, yet I felt it the next day like other fitness classes I've taken. Sweet.

in case anyone cares i started a photo journal: laurengrayphotos.blogspot.com

it's cute. cmmntz plz.

hope all is well!

babyblue.

2009-03-28T19:31:00.000-07:00

It's a faster, growing green
Flows through these leaves
I have, I try, I guess we'll be alright
Way to try, I got a line
For you from me, better nice
A beautiful, baby blue,
Sky that's looking up at you
Now watch it fade away
But it's okay
We'll come around
With nights like this are never ending
I try so hard to make this perfect
You and I somehow
We can't see eye to eye together
We always knew that you worked better
I know you want it all
And you got me
Sorry I never was everything you ever dreamed
But kept at bay, for just in case that day
But it's okay
We'll come around
With nights like this are never ending
I try so hard to make this perfect
You and I somehow.We can't see eye to eye together
We always knew that you worked better
I don't want you to love me anymore
With my bags packed and ready to go
And nothing's ever hurt so much for me
To let you go, than to let you go.
I'll never forget the nights spent as "Cinci's Best Dancers". I'll always miss who we were back then... you know i'm gonna give up...

2009-03-25T13:21:00.001-07:00

hipsterorgay.tumblr.com

so many awkward lols.

happy st. erin's day.

2009-03-17T10:00:00.000-07:00

so I got my new canon which is the love of my life! I have a wide angle and a fisheye lens attachment in the mail which should be here tomorrow! success! I'm hanging out with Katie on Friday to take her picture in the park because the weather is amazing lately and flowers are starting to bloom and I'm getting so happy and upbeat I can barely stand it.

I have about a month and a half of undergraduate left! I'm only not doing to so hot in my American Politics class because I kind of hate it.

NKU's wireless internet is a joke.

I've been having some actually enjoyable weekend evenings lately which is super shocking. Things are better now that I don't have any stake in what situations arise and sometimes I actually prefer being the lone girl.

I got my hair cut and colored and I LOVE LOVE LOVE it. It's red and short and amazing and I'd post a picture, but this wireless connection won't let me. Ugh.

It weirds me out that people actually own green pants. I'm not sure why...

LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL.

2009-03-10T18:40:00.001-07:00

NEW OBSESSION:

2009-03-09T20:43:00.000-07:00

so last week i was introduced to the most amazing comedy HBO has ever come up with and I kind of wish the entire first season was available right now, instead of only 4 episodes. I love you danny mcbride!

1143.00

2009-03-04T20:49:00.000-08:00

so my tax return is huge and will allow me to buy this:

YAY!

2009-03-04T08:05:00.000-08:00

So one of my pictures is being published on a website!

This picture I took while in New York will be on this travel site!

I'm pretty excited.

PMW.

2009-03-03T09:53:00.001-08:00

so i just realized that as of friday I have an entire week off of school! I am ridiculously happy about this!

i am also off work from now until sunday morning and this week is going to busy and fantastic.

Thursday night I'm seeing Watchmen at midnight, Friday Ryan has the day of so we're hanging out and going to the Backshieder birthday bash (alliteration!). Saturday I have lil Ryan's 12th birthday party and then I'm eating pizza and watching stand up with Sebby and on Sunday after work I'll be chillaxin with Ryan and possibly seeing the Dali exhibit in Dayton. I'm pumped.

never better.

2009-02-27T10:41:00.000-08:00

"a lot of my friends shake when they don't drink... all of my friends wheeze in their sleep... all of my friends think green, but afford to live it, can't ignore the cynics, can't explore the gimmicks, can't report the dividends. limited only by the need to stay fed and given up is like latin, its dead. it don't happen don't even cross their head, trapped in our own web, but its our bed."

current obsession:

2009-02-18T20:50:00.000-08:00

boxer briefs for girls:

you are mine.

2009-02-16T19:15:00.000-08:00

i'm WILL read watchmen before 3/06.

sometimes working 11 hour shifts is okay... today was not one of those days.

i'm ordering new specs, ones that actually fit my head.

rsm is the loml.

2009-02-13T20:31:00.001-08:00

i miss my ipod terribly...

trust the sweat not the face it's on.

2009-02-11T17:42:00.001-08:00

sorry in advance for how all over the place this post will be,

bare with me:

So I've been watching a crap-ton of movies and tv lately, I know how exciting, but some people did suggest some awesome and addicting jems:

Jake suggested I watch this documentary "Standard Operating Procedure", which was all about an American Military Prison in Iraq where a lot of inhumane and degrading "interrogation" methods were used. This movie just re-affirmed my new understanding that all humans are inherently evil and that we must actively make conscious choices not to be complete monsters. It's disgusting how a lot of people are able to go on and turn a blind eye to one another. How could you treat someone like they were worthless and still sleep at night? I know they say "War is hell", but aren't we supposed to be some sort of nation that at least pretends to care about human rights?

We had a pretty interesting conversation about this in my Death, Dying, Grief class regarding how "well-adjusted" nazi soldiers and suicide bombers usually behave... but what does it mean when you are well adjusted to a despicable society (which includes our own society)... I feel jaded sometimes, but I hope I never get to the point where I'm numb to wanting to help others.

Oddly enough, Seb suggested I check out this TV series, Jekyll, which is amazing and ties into this idea of being inherently evil... I haven't finished the first season yet, but it's my goal for this week. It seriously is an amazing show so far and is available on netflix watch instantly, so check it out.

Now on to my personal suggestion to those who need a break from all my negative nancy posts: Lonely Island's "Incredibad" came out this week and it's stellar. I might be a little biased do to my love for the Andy Samburg & little Jorma, but I pretty much laugh my ass off alone in my car everyday because of it and find some new ridiculous lyric every time I listen to it. Casey showed me and Ryan the video for "I'm on a Boat (feat. T-Pain)" (seriously!) on Sunday night and made me love that song even more. I'm sure I'm like the only person who enjoys it this much, but whatever.

other than that, life is oddly working it's self out. I decided to attempt to build bridges in contrast to my normal attempts at burning them, maybe even start construction on some that I've burnt in the past.

k + j & l + r

2009-02-08T09:39:00.000-08:00

it makes me so happy that every weekend lately is a giant lovely double date. :]

come now sleep.

2009-02-05T20:19:00.000-08:00

If I make it to heaven I may be as bloody as hell.
Would you still take me?
I'm afraid that you might say, "depart from me, I never knew you."

I'm in the wrong body. I'm in the wrong body. I'm in the wrong body.
I must have stumbled in.

All the love I want to give gets caught between every rib.
What does that make me?
I have good intentions, but no exit for them to come out right through.

moar lawls.

2009-02-04T21:06:00.000-08:00

death broz.

2009-02-04T09:15:00.000-08:00

my moms turned 50 yesterday, she's still a milf. hahah. Seriously, I hope I got all my aging genes from her.

kev is back in school, well, cinci state. lawls.

erin almost died sunday night, apparently. her breathing situation is really weird... for this i am glad that ohio basically criminalized smoking.

some punk kid stole ryan's phone at his gym. it's lame. word to the wise: stealing verizon phones is pointless unless you just like to fuck someone's day up, in that case, mission accomplished.

i think i might join ryan's gym when PHE 108 is over... only i'm leaving my shit in my car.

i'm back into "heavier music"... weird.

i volunteered to be a counseling Guinea Pig and start next weds., I know the PERFECT subject to talk about with her. I need an outsiders opinion anyway...

I really need to do my taxes, so I can irresponsibly buy a new ipod & camera with my moola.

oh yeah and I got the best/cutest new ever today, but i can't very well post it here.

what i learned this weekend:

2009-02-01T20:32:00.000-08:00

1. conditioning always beats heart & raw talent.

2. maturity does not coincide with aging. so don't confuse the two.

3. the "self-fulfilling prophecy" is no joke.

4. somethings are out of my hands, but that doesn't make it any less painful to watch.

alright still.

2009-01-27T18:44:00.000-08:00

i really don't care if people think she sucks, lily allen is a babe.

i wish i lived in "LDN", because they seem to have waaay better clothing options.

An Adventure too Weird for Words.

2009-01-26T10:16:00.000-08:00

let's go see this: IN 3D!

130

2009-01-24T12:49:00.000-08:00

sometimes i'm just really good at my job. or should i say, sometimes i'm just really good at pretending to be a nice person.

hello shitty.

2009-01-23T13:06:00.000-08:00

so today was the first day of free work outs in gym and at first things were just as awkward as normal, you know because I do not belong within a ten mile radius of a gym, but then I went in to the weight room because we're supposed to do that stuff and as I'm attempting to work the machines, this weird older man is just sitting there. not working out. not doing anything, but staring at everyone, including me. It creeped me the fuck out. So I just left. WTF is some old dude doing lurking in a COLLEGE gym!? It just reiterates my theory that middle age and older dudes are the scariest creatures on the face of the planet.

2009-01-22T10:06:00.000-08:00

sometimes i can't tell if i actually like certain bands or if i just listen to them because i liked who/where i was when i first heard them.

2009-01-21T12:09:00.000-08:00

I love Wednesdays, I only have conditioning from 9-10 and then the rest of the day I get to catch up on everything I put on the back burner all week. Today I have about 6 loads of laundry to do and A LOT of reading for class. I don't feel like leaving the house, so I'm also going to watch all my DVR-ed shows instead of going to the bank and what not.

Money still sucks, but I'm avoiding that until my credit card payment is due.

I'm pretty much done with almost all of shit talking. I've decided it's really not worth it at the age of 21 (almost 22) to do all this backbiting or whatever. So basically if I have issues with people or don't like how they've treated me, my goal is to either address the issue with them or just be real and stop hanging out with them. HOWEVER, I still think that some actions just cannot be reconciled with words. And some people are never going to change and that just has to be accepted. For some reason I can handle it when people do scummy stuff if they are upfront about being scumbags, but when people continue to do scummy things and still try to act like they are stand up people annoys the shit out of me. Haha I guess that I really need to work on the shit talking... haha.

Anyway, I'm going to devote my full attention to my favorite show: Intervention!

you're so content and all I want is more

2009-01-16T17:49:00.000-08:00

so i sold all but one book I put on half.com this week earning me a cool 250$. So that will make up for half of what I spent on my books, so that is awesome. I'm babysitting tomorrow night for the Lampes and I'm spending the night at my Aunt's house on Sunday night and hanging out with my cousins who don't need a babysitter, but can't stay over night by themselves. I'm pumped. They are sweet & have a wii.

My gym class seriously had my sore for two days. If I could stop eating so much or at least starting eating foods that weren't some sort of pizza product, I might be able to fit in my clothes again. You know, zip my dresses and button my shirts.

So I think I can handle this semester and I'm pretty pumped about all my classes. I just need to bring snacks and bundle up. I also need a pepper spray or something because walking to my car at 9 at night alone scares the shpoopy out of me. I wish all of my books would get here already! I would possibly read them tonight, since I am insanely bored. Ugh.

I hung out with Erin this week. I miss my sissy poo and love her dearly. She seriously is an amazing person. I'm so blessed to have someone like here to look up to. Kevin is still 'livin the dream' which means not going to school, not working, not coming home ect. No matter what, I'm always jealous of how easy that kid's life is. I accidently backed into his car today. Heh, I suck at driving. I wish I could just quit driving. I think drinking would only be cool if I got so drunk so often that no one let me drive ever. I fucking hate driving. Boo.

Winter always makes me a whiney, two-faced, brat. I hate the cold & the dark. Ughhhhhh.

negative nancy:

2009-01-12T20:36:00.000-08:00

back to school:

I'm completely dry. i've spent nearly $400!!! on books and that was even going with the cheapest possible books on half.com and amazon.com. Not to mention the 3,626 i spent on tuition. I had to put it all on a credit card because I don't even have that much in the bank... Ugh. Stress. So basically: work work work. babysit. figure out how to pass seven classes and somehow stay out of debt. i hate money.

I did put my text books from last semester on half.com... so maybe I'll get some dough, I'm even selling the books I wanted to keep because they were interesting. Oh well. I might need to put more stuff up too, DVDs, clothes, shoes, ect. Shit. I've never been this broke.

To top it off, I have to get gym clothes for my one credit hour class because I have none and it's winter so I can't wear gym shorts around campus. Fuck.

I might just have to stop eating, cut off my beloved netflix and pray my tax return is a couple grand (LOL!), so I can pay for all my graduation stuff.

Seriously, this shit sucks.

so this is the new year...

2009-01-07T20:36:00.000-08:00

and so it begins, 2009. I'm pretty indifferent about 2008. It was better than the dreadful mess that was 2007, but still nothing special. I don't have too high of hopes for 2009, I know I will for sure earn my Bachelors of Science, which the more I think about the more proud I become. I have been able to complete four years of college completely debt free. I worked my ass off, more so than any of my peers, not to toot my own horn, but seriously I feel incredible that I was able to maintain a 3.5 gpa, never drop a class, get only ONE C AND pay off my schooling as I went (with just a serving job). I paid for all my own books, paid for my parking passes, my gas, my food, ect. That is why I don't believe it when people say that they "can't" afford college.

When I was a senior my parents basically bribed me/gave me an ultimatum: go to school, get a new car, no school, welcome to 40 hr work week and bills. So basically I chose to go to school to make my parents happy, but after my second year of college my parents cut me off (as far as paying for school went) and I realized that I was doing all of this work for ME and no one else. So I picked up hours at work, babysat and generally worked and saved money and studied when I could. And now on May 9th 2009, I will be handed a diploma and I'll probably cry and I know that I cannot explain to anyone how amazing it will feel. I nearly cried just paying off my bill for this semester. I've worked to hard and even though it doesn't end with my bachelors, it already feels pretty damn good.

oh yeah and the holidays were okay, i don't really care about them anymore, but whatever.

current loves:

2009-01-05T20:30:00.000-08:00

goodbye 200h8:

2008-12-31T15:37:00.000-08:00

top artists: (via Last.FM)

1. City & Colour

2. Forever the Sickest Kids

3. Lifetime

4. New Found Glory

5. Copeland

6. Saves the Day

7. Anberlin

8. With Honor

9. Thrice

10. T.I. (omgz)

top movies:

1. The Dark Knight

2. Wall-E

3. Let The Right One In

4. Nick & Nora (ftw)

5. The Strangers (yikes..)

top folks:

1. ryan moormann

2. mom/pops.

3. katie j. hoog

4. the lampe family

5. seb stumbo.

seriously.

2008-12-22T19:25:00.000-08:00

i've only gotten one "C" in my 3.5 years of college,

it was in one quarter on finite math/calculus.

this semester i earned 2 "B"s and 3 "A"s.

future: bright

2008-12-21T11:06:00.000-08:00

mm. i love r.pattz. Katie and I saw "twilight" on Friday in the theater instead of on my lap top. ha ha. it was still terrible, but the books are good so whatevs. Ryan bought me the forth one for Christmas! He gave me my gifts already: Wall-E, lounge fly purse/wallet & juicy couture perfume. :] What a stud.

SCHOOL IS OVER! Yeah and somehow I managed a "B" in cognitive psych, therefore my GPA isn't going down the pooper this semester! What a Christmas Miracle!

I'm so nervous about next semester,

here is my work schedule:

Monday 3-9: Manage

Thursday 5-9: Serve

Saturday 8-3: Serve

(17 hrs. not too shabby!)

here is my school schedule:
BEGINNING CONDITIONING MWF 09:00-09:50AM
AMERICAN POLITICS TR 10:50-12:05PM
COGNITIVE PROCESSES LAB TR 12:15-01:30PM
ASSESSMENT/APPRAISAL:MENTAL HLTH TR 01:40-02:55PM
INDUSTRIAL/ORGANIZATIONAL PSY TR 03:05-04:20PM
DEATH, DYING, AND GRIEF T 06:15-09:00PM
ALCOHOLISM: ISSUES/INTERVENTION WEB
Total Enrolled Hours: 18.00

uniform.

2008-12-19T13:16:00.000-08:00

No-one can be trusted over the age of 14

Tattoo our arms,

Converse shoes,

Cynical,

But we still do it

We tell ourselves that we're different

I've gotten so good at lying to myself

All, all my pain and honour is used up

All my guns are rusted

So when are you going to realise those are not your wrongs to right

Have another line, have another drink

(Pop songs won’t change the government)

I am a martyr, I just need a motive

I am a martyr, I just need a cause

I'm a believer, I just need to a moment

I'm a believer, I just need a cause

We're finding it hard to break the mould

We are finding it so hard to be alone

We're finding it hard to have time by ourselves

We have nothing at all to say.

2008-12-17T12:30:00.001-08:00

you've got your new ties,

i've got my old knots.

I don't just want to be a footnote in someone else's happiness

2008-12-13T18:35:00.000-08:00

it's a sad day when you realize that you're not a doormat,

but you are THE doormat.

altruism is never worth it.

no one respects or reciprocates it.

it's depressing to see it live out in real life,

why does selfishness live on

and altruism die?

... besides the obvious evolutionary explanation,

it that the day you find out that NO ONE will ever go out of their way to do ANYTHING for you

is that day that you give up on humanity,

and the world no longer matters.

what's the point in caring about others... what's the point in using your resources for something other than myself?

before you see it,

maybe i'm not cynical, maybe i'm realistic.

the idea of a just world is null and void.

2008-12-10T23:18:00.000-08:00

i read new moon in three days also.

i should wait a bit for eclipse.

2008-12-07T12:31:00.000-08:00

i read twilight in three days. that is the fastest i've ever read a book in my life (aside from perk of being a wallflower).

flightless bird.

2008-12-03T13:28:00.000-08:00

So I just deposited an amazing 968.65 in the bank. That included two weeks of paychecks. two weeks of serving, babysitting, collection of backed payments and a months worth of change.

I'm right where I need to be, but I cannot let up. I need to stay focused on this gas only budget. Thank God it's only 1.64 a gallon. The next two weeks will kick my ass with school and work. So that doesn't leave much time for money blowing.

At this rate I might be able to buy Ryan something (along with what I'm making him) and little something for Erin, mom and dad and possibly Kevin, if i can swallow my resentment.

Other than that things are looking up all around me. Seriously, God blesses me everyday in the tiniest ways. He provides when I need him to. In my cognitive class, I earned a 100% on the paper boosting my grade up to a 76%! Usually that grade would piss me off, but right now a 76 is looking pretty sweet. I'm working on some extra credit and I'm studying my ass off for the last test. I have a ten page paper for Evo. Psy. due next Fri., I have two essays and like 3 online tests for Ethics, and notes to catch up for Health Psy. I'll get it all done, I always do.

Lately I've been listening to a lot of instrumental bands. When I was young I hated anything without lyrics, but mostly because my parents listened to shit like Kenny G. Now I cannot get enough of instrumentals. Seriously, sometimes you just don't need words. You can just feel and see it all through your ear drums. That may sound stupid. Oh well.

I watched that movie "Twilight" on line last week, Rob Pattinson carried the whole entire movie and I hated the lead girl, Bella, but I think I want to read the books over my winter holiday. Just to keep my mind active a little. I read Harry Potter and the like so I'm not above reading those books I guess. Heh.

Well I'm off to spend my off night with Ryan.

giving thanks:

2008-11-28T14:31:00.001-08:00

ryan s. moormann: i don't know where to start. you are all i have ever dream of and much more than i deserve. i used to think that love was a lie, that i could have found love anywhere i was, but i know now that there is no one on this earth that will ever know me the way you do. no one will ever take the time to understand me like you do. no one will have my heart, only you. our story may not be a dramatic one, but it's remarkable that you and i ended up together and i thank God every day for allowing me to find you. we are more than most will ever find. i love you every inch of me.

amanda v. bowman: i have known you for most of my life and i have to say that being apart of your life has always been so interesting. you are one of the most unique people i've ever had the privilege of knowing. you are so willing to just open your heart and give all of yourself. i admire you ability to see the best in others, no matter what history you have with them. you have this ability to make everyone feel comfortable, like they can come sit down and have a conversation with you. i hope one day you find what it is you're looking for and it's everything you deserve. i know it most likely won't be within the limits of this city, because you were destine for bigger things.

christin n. doyle: although we aren't as close as I'd like us to be I still value your friendship. Its been a bit difficult to spend a lot of time with anyone lately due to my school/work situation, but it was nice to have our thursday nights, even if you spent most of the night talking someone's ear off by the fire. ha ha. it's nice to have someone to talk shit with and go to about grown up stuff, you know that kind of things I know nothing at all about. and you also know that we'll always have gg and arrested development.

savannah b. kuchenmeister: I know we've grown FAR apart this past year, but i'd still like you know the impact you have had on my life. i've been mixed up, i've been bull-headed, but i really think that our relationship has taught me what being a friend is really all about. I could share all of who I was with you. I loved being around you because it felt like I had finally found someone who could see things through my eyes. I didn't have to explain everything, you just knew. You were always on my side. I felt like you were family. I'm sorry things have ended up like this. I felt like I was losing you and it hurt so I cut myself off from you. I think about you all the time and wish things could be like they were when we were seventeen. I know that we'll never be that way again, but I just need you to know how much I really appreciate all those times you were there for me and all the memories we made together.

katherine j. hoog- over this past year we have grown so close. you are so level headed I kind of realize what a basket case I am. I'm sorry it took me this long to get so close to you. You are so reliable, so honest, sincere, laid back, all the things i sometimes think i'm not. I just feel so grateful to you. You push me to screw my head on straight and really look at things for what they are not. You are a beautiful person inside and out. I'm so lucky to have a friend like you.

to my dedicated parents:

mom- you have been really my closest confidant in the past few years. you are such a selfless and affectionate mother, i hope that one day i can be half the woman you are. you put your all into all that you do and fit so many roles for me. i'll never know all the sacrifices you have made to get our family to the place we're at, but i hope that you know that i will be forever grateful to you for that. God has blessed me with two parents who would give all of themselves to see me succeed, no matter how i define it. thank you so much.

dad- i'll always be your little girl and i hope you know that. i will always take comfort in cuddling underneath your arm. i remember when i was little i always wanted to sleep in your old tee shirts and how i used to fake falling asleep so you'd have to carry me to bed and tuck me in. you are such an amazing man, i hope that one day i have a husband who is nearly as dedicated to his family. you are so strong, like the rock i can always latch on to in times of trouble.

to my sissy & bro-bro:

erin- you have always been some sort of fun house image of who i want to be. i only wish i could have a little of your positive outlook, quick wit and good looks. you are such an amazing person and you have such a huge heart. i feel so blessed to have spent my early years look up to you. thank you for being an amazing older sister. you have sincerely taught me more than you will ever know. i love you dearly.

kevin- i know i'm all that you don't want to become, but i just want you to know how much i long for a relationship with you. i strive to find common ground with you even though you just see me as some weird, bookworm who lives in the room next door. i'm sorry if i come of as resentful or a tattle-tail. i cannot wait for you come into your own and succeed in life. i know you have it in you. you were my first best friend, i hope you know that. i love you so much.

this ship of fools i'm on will sink

2008-11-18T11:39:00.000-08:00

I was able to pick up two shifts for this weekend. If that keeps up then maybe I'll be able to keep my head afloat. Other than that, I babysat twice this week.

Last night I got hit hard by some sort of bug. My whole body hurts and i didn't sleep well at all last night. So I slept through my classes today, which I absolutely shouldn't have done. I just really can't get out of bed. I'm currently laying around watching gossip girl and hoping I feel almost normal by 5 so I can work tonight.

In other news, Ryan and I went to Dayton this weekend and spent time with his old friend Bryan. It was so much fun and they were so nice! For once we hung out with chill people who weren't total negs. Seriously. They did pretty much the same stuff only they weren't super pissed off for no reason or ridiculously negative about EVERYTHING! Ryan said it was the first time in a long time he was able to have a good time with friends without having to drink. It made me feel really good to be up there and I hope we go back really soon. I'm really regretting supporting Ryan's move to L-Wald. I can barely be in that house for more than 20 mins. It is honestly depressing.

i need work on school stuff l8rz.

$3,626!

2008-11-16T12:30:00.000-08:00

Finical woes are out of control right now.

Since I have to take 18 hrs in order to graduate, NKU is charing me an extra 300 bucks.

I was going to take on line classes, but they are 90 bucks each so now I'm only taking one.

Thank god, I can take the other two in class. Apparently the mental health teacher I have to three classes makes you buy ridiculously expensive books.

So as of right now I have until Jan. to save up 3,626 bucks for tuition, over 300 bucks for books, and however much for Christmas. I'm royally screwed. I only have 3,000 in the bank right now. I feel so sick to my stomach. I'm on lock down from now on. No more driving all over. No more fast food. No more fronting my friends money....

200G8.

2008-11-06T13:25:00.000-08:00

So last year I politely asked 2008 to be an amazing year and to my surprise it has been. Last year was by far one of the worst years of my life, however this year has been the complete opposite. This past year, I have my whole schooling figured out, my grandma was diagnosed cancer free, my sibs are getting it together, i see my friends pretty often and have met some amazing new folks, i went on like 4 vacations, i rule at my job and the boss i thought hated me said that I'm his best employee, I fall deeper in love with Ryan everyday! How amazing is that?! OH yeah and I am final okay with who I am.

I thought for sure after everything that went down last year, how lost i was, how much self loathing i had, that I had no choice but to be jaded. Instead it's like a breath of fresh air, I love being okay with everyone in my inner circle and outer for that matter. I feel like for the first time in a long time I am my own person. I seriously feel comfortable in my own skin. I don't feel like a carbon copy like I use to. Life is good. I've got my head on straight and the future is so bright.

2008-10-31T09:39:00.000-07:00

nothing left to do but waste my time...

2008-10-30T11:01:00.000-07:00

there is something therapeutic about parks. I stumbled upon this park a few minutes away from campus and it had this pond surrounded by trees and bushes that were changing from green to vivid oranges and yellows, which reflected in the calm waters of the pond. I was having a horrible week, but once I saw this pond I knew everything was going to be okay. I felt content. I felt calm. happy, even. Its strange, but I love just sitting in parks alone. I feel so connected. I know that may not make sense. It just feels safe and right. I love the feeling of sunshine in my face. Today all the sunshine literally wiped the tears from my face. I wish I had more time in my schedule to just sit. Really sit. I love being outside alone with my thoughts. Maybe there's more to life than Cognitive Processes exams, Mental Health papers, dinner specials and night shifts. Maybe after four years of college I won't be complete or an adult or educated or whatever you're supposed to be. Maybe I'll just be someone. Just like everyone else and at the same completely different.

I love fall, I really do. It reminds me of the life cycle and how beautiful death can be. Time is limited, but I want to go out like the leaves on the trees. During brightest most beautiful chapter of my life.

2008-10-28T20:26:00.000-07:00

Don't look ahead, just run to me Each step will find the next one recklessly We'll find ourselves on the safest ledge Well pardon me, I couldn't help myself Girl, fall into your life here If only for a while, I'm here Could you be happy to fall like a stone If you'd land right here safe in my arms? It's fine, lock all your doors through the night Keep it all right here, safe in my arms It's fine, it's fine You felt alone before you ever really knew how alone you were An empty house, a lonely room The TV talks the fear right out of you But you feel like someone's standing by but you'll never know Could you be happy to fall like a stone If you'd land right here safe in my arms? It's fine, lock all your doors through the night Keep it all right here, safe in my arms It's fine The sun burns a hole straight through your old flaws If you look toward the sky even on your greyest night Could you be happy now, with the wind in your hair And your eyes open wide and your feet going nowhere? Could you be happy to fall like a stone If you'd land right here safe in my arms? It's fine, lock all your doors through the night Keep it all right here, safe in my arms It's fine

i need to learn how to pass a cognitive processes test.

failure is not an option.

2008-10-26T21:47:00.000-07:00

so i finally got my macbook! i love it.

school is stressing me out, but what is new.

work sucks. i never make enough money.

katie and i are having a party next weekend.

so that should be fun/insanely time consuming.

basically, ryan is trying to make me watch the strangers and i want to avoid it,

therefore this update was born.

helterskelter = ew.

2008-10-10T19:56:00.000-07:00

I can officially announce it now: in May I will have a Bachelors of Science in Psychology.
It is the greatest accomplishment of my short life. Next month I will be inducted into the National Honor Society of Psychology.

My final semester at NKU will look like this:
PSY 338L Cognitive Processes Lab TR 12:15-1:30
HSR 305 Assessment/Appraisal TR 1:40-2:55
HSR 314 Death, Dying, Grief T 6:15-9
PHE 108 Beginning Conditioning MWF 9-9:50
PSY 3?? Industrial/Organizational Psychology WEB
HSR 340 Alcoholism Issues WEB
PSC 100 American Politics WEB

I'll have to cut back on working, but I can manage.

Amanda, Katie & I might move to Covington in Spring/Summer. It would be such a huge scary step, but I'm ready for more adventures. :] I see them about 2-3 times a week lately (christin included). This is something that warms my heart. I just wish Savannah was still around. I wish she could enjoy time with us (or me really) just like old times. But things have changed so much and I don't know where to start.

Erin is back in school. I've never been so proud of her. She really wants it this time around. She'll excel as a nurse. I just know it. She really is a lovely person, inside and out. I'm blessed to have her as a sister.
Kevin is struggling in school still. I keep hoping that he'll straighten out, but he's always been more of an Erin than a Lauren, so maybe he just needs some time off or something. I miss him now that he's not around, that's just how it always is.

long story short = :]

HALLOWEEN!

2008-09-12T09:20:00.000-07:00

Katie and I are planning a halloween party at the boys' new house!
we're going to decorate the hole place!
we're making yummy foood and punch!
I'm making the sweetest playlist eva!
mark your calendar for nov. 1st!

i know i want to dress as a sailor pinup,
i just don't know which outfit to order.

but i finally get to wear frilly underoos!

santos party house.

2008-08-18T20:37:00.000-07:00

i love nyc.
if i moved there i'd never leave the lower east side.
and i would be broke in less than a week.

it's a nice thought though. :]

my feet are huge
and i miss katie.

AUGUST:

2008-08-06T20:57:00.000-07:00

1st: Nanny from 3-8:30.
2nd: Nanny from 10:30-5.
3rd: Visit the Lebanon crew.
4th: Nanny from 11-2. Manage from 2-9:45.
5th: manage from 3-9:30.
6th: Nanny from 2:30-7.
7th: Serve from 4:30-9.
8th: Nanny from 10:30-?. Cash from 5-9.
9th: Manage from 3-9:30.
10th: Manage from 3-9:30.
11th: Nanny from 10:30-?. Manage 3-9.
12th: Host 11-2. Serve 5-9.
13th: Nanny ??.
14th: Nanny ??. Serve 4:30-9.
15th: Leave for NYC.
16th: NYC
17th: NYC
18th: Return from NYC.
19th: TUITION DUE. Host 11-2. Serve 5-9.
20th: Nanny.
21st: Nanny. Serve 4:30-9.
22nd: Last day as a nanny. Cash 5-9.
23rd: Serve 3-9.
24th: OFF!
25th: Start school 1-3:15. Manage 4-9.
26th: Class 9:25-4:20. Serve 5-9.
27th: Class 1-3:15.
28th: Class 9:25-4:20. Serve 5-9.
29th: Class 1-1:50. Cash 5-9.
30th: Serve 6-2.
31st: OFF!

I'm officially insane, but I should earn enough to not worry about investing in my macbook.
In September, Ryan and I will see Crime in Stereo and New Found Glory, & Brand New.
He also will turn 23 and move into his new place (drama...). I will also be planning a welcome home party for Katherine Hoog!

awkward.

2008-06-29T18:35:00.000-07:00

sometime it takes going back to realize where you are. i'm pretty content with the current state of life. this wave is just the one i want to ride out on.

2008-06-19T20:58:00.000-07:00

seporated at birth! ha i love perez.

i never feel like "blogging". i get online to check out school stuff, steal music and lurk. so here's an update:
madradstalkers consumes me.
work is still sweet. i wish i could nanny full time forever.
i'm even going to Chicago for free with them! how lovely.
ryan and i have officially been together for three whole years, go us!
katie moved to NYC for three months. Amanda and I will be visiting for the weekend for August 15th. Score!
seriously though, I miss my katie. Idk who to call on Friday nights and EVERY afternoon anymore...
schools is going to rule! I can sleep late. I can learn shit i want to learn about. rUleZ.

i really want to buy a bunch of expensive stuff!!
-cannon rebel!
-mac book pro
-new car (VW or a new CIVIC)
-new TV & dvd player
-a wii.

FIND ME THE NEW HAVE HEART CD!

haha i'll never buy any of that! ha

anyway, i might update this in a million years,
peace.

2008-05-19T11:38:00.000-07:00

okay on the photo news front:

+my PENTAX ZX-50 is now operational! I cannot wait to finally get some use out of it and learn my way around an SLR. (how i'll spend my summer...)

+maybe a fish eye lens will be my next investment...

+my prints from my fish eye are waiting for me at Sam's. (i got a disc of prints too, so I can post them later).

in other news:

+ i LOVE my nanny job. Today we went to UC for a fitting, blew bubbles and went to the zoo.

+ this is proving to be a lovely summer, indeed.

+ i worked a combined total of 50 hours last week, between the squirrel and nannying.

+ i'm doing amazing with money and want an URBAN shopping spree.

+ i'll only have a quarter of pre-reqs. for my masters in SLP. :]

+ my booboobutt is the most wonderful boy walking the face of the earth.

+ i've finally learned to fix my hair the way i want it, now it's time for a new color.

+ INDIANA JONES THIS WEEK! oh yeah and UFC... but I'll most likely miss most of it, but at least this is my last double saturday at work.

okay, off to the bank, sam's and work!

major lulz.

2008-05-18T15:46:00.000-07:00

From:

my should..

Block User
Delete From Friends

myspace.com/2124963

Date:

May 18, 2008 3:27 PM

Flag as Spam or Report Abuse [?] Date Sent: 5/18/2008 3:27:00 PM
Body:
1. because youre awesome
2. because youre beautiful
3. because youre a girl and i actually like you
4. because youre super smart
5. because youre a loving person
6. because you care about me
7. because you like zombies
8. because you like ufc
9. because you like punk rock
10. because i sleep the best when youre around
11. because you take amazing pictures
12. because you hate stuff i hate
13. because you make fun of shit
14. because you smell good
15. because youre super generous
16. because you have a pretty smile
17. because i can cry around you
18. because you listen to me
19. because i sleep the best when youre around
20. because i dont love anyone as much as i love you

shia lababe

2008-05-13T21:30:00.000-07:00

yummy.
i cannot wait to see indiana jones.
ryan and i going to rewatch the first 3 movies next week.
i am going to dream of making out with shia.
the end.

new hair and shoes dudes!

2008-05-09T11:58:00.000-07:00

2008-05-08T22:01:00.000-07:00

i'm done with my 3rd year of college.

i'm twenty-one.

i'm still forever the DD.

i'm ridiculously spoiled.

i'm the proud owner of the sweet dunks ever made. (pixxx soon!)

i'm a nanny as of monday.

i miss michael andrew lane...

next time i see him i'm going to hug him like an anaconda.

i work doubles for the next 3 saturdays!

i get money.

2008-04-15T12:05:00.000-07:00

so time for an update:
i hate going to every class except Abnormal Psych and Research Methods
i might just get my MA in Speech Pathology/Audiology, buck psychology.
i will not be drinking anytime soon and honestly its just to piss off all those kids that won't leave me alone about not drinking. haha no, not really, but it's funny to bum them out.
i will graduate on time! but i will go back for a year of pre-requirements for my masters program.
i will move out next summer. no doubts about it. hopefully with Katie.
the music i listen to consistently right now would gross out everyone i know. but most likely not surprise anyone.
i think i want to get a daycare job for this summer.

cool.
bye.

Rebirth...

2008-04-09T12:12:00.001-07:00

it's spring. life is good.

b0r3d.

2008-04-05T14:10:00.000-07:00

Put your music on shuffle or party shuffle in iTunes and fill in the names of the songs in the order they show up.

1. When I'm drunk I say: TO THE END (cast aside).
2. My message to the world has always been: REDEMPTION (switchfoot)
3. At my funeral they'll play: THEY PERCHED ON THEIR STILTS POINTING AND DARING ME TO BREAK CUSTOM (saosin)
4. My parents are like the song: DON'T STOP THE MUSIC (rihanna)
5. My family is described by the song: 9 TO 5 (lady sovereign)
6. My alter-ego is: STARRY CONFIGURATIONS (jets to brazil)
7. I'll have a good day if I can just hear: FREAK THOUGH (ti)
8. My make-out song is: PROTEST SONG #00 (american nightmare) [i like one minute men]
9. This song will be playing when I meet the love of my life: EVERYTHING'S SO COLD... BUT YOU'RE SO HOT (the early november)
10. My innermost desire is: VANUS EMPTY (dead poetic)
11. To cheer myself up I: ALL ON BLACK (alkaline trio)
12. At my wedding they'll play: NINETEEN STARS (meg&dia)
13. My theme song: HANDSHAKES (metric)
14. How will you die? INVASION (eisley)
15. My love of life was inspired by the song: IT'S MY TIME (rick ross)
16. My day will be like: RELEASE ME (mae)
17. When I'm in the shower, I sing: APATHY IS A COLD BODY (poison the well)
18. If I got lost on a desert island, I would yell: LAURA'S AUSTRALIAN DANCE PARTY (reggie and the full effect)
19. Will I ever have kids? AUTOGRAPHY (the starting line)
20. Somewhere in my wedding vows, I will include: LETTER TO A MENTOR (mashlin)
21. High school was like: DOROTHY DREAMS OF TORNADOES (cursive)
22. My friends see me as: INSPIRED BY THE $ (the starting line)
23. Behind my back, my friends think I'm: 460 TO NOWHERE (race the sun)
24. Next time I'm in front of a crowd, I'll say: DIFFERENCE OF VENGEANCE AND WRONGS (misery signals)
25. The best thing about me is: CONCUBINE (converge)
26. What I did did last night was: TARGET FORM (cool hand luke)
27. If I reached the top of Mount Everest, what I would scream: MORE VACATION (brighten)
28. My favorite thing to do is: MOLOTOV (dead poetic)
29. My ultimate song for dancing is: IN SUCH A STATE (edison glass)

2008-03-31T19:37:00.000-07:00

MY CIVIC IS FIXED. L<3VE.

I think I might want to live in a big city. Public transportation is pretty amazing and cheap. I have no clue where life is taking me, but I'm enjoying the ride. I am 90% sure I won't graduate on time, but it's all good, I'm no longer in any rush to grow up. I do hope to move out next summer. Maybe even with Ryan, whatever, if people talk, let them talk.
So I still don't drink (fyi) and the big 2-1 is coming up and I am in turmoil on whether I should start or not. I don't think I will, but I think this no drinking run is coming to an end... I just don't want it to change me. Whatever.
I need money. Two trips. One month. One broke lady.

Katie Hoog, I love you. Seriously, you complete me.
Ryan Moo, be my boy for life.

Does anyone else think Lupe Fiasco is amazing? He is my current addiction. Check that out.

I got my sanity back.

2008-03-24T11:52:00.001-07:00

i fainted in class today.

i am weighing me down.

2008-03-19T19:43:00.000-07:00

dude, i cannot believe that i am that girl.

Life is weird right now. I hate Cincinnati more than ever since I got home from Florida. The weather here makes me want to go into a 20 year coma. Basically this is my life: school. feeling lonely. come home. go to sleep. or go to work THEN go to sleep. People try and get me to go out and I don't feel up to do anything but eat. sleep. become a hermit. i guess my whole social awkwardness is never going away.

I miss my car. I know I shouldn't be still upset about this crap, but honestly not being able to come and go as I please is driving me to sleep more. Dad left for Vegas this morning so I guess I have a car until tomorrow night when Kevin comes home and says its his car and that I can't use it. Shit.

I have some summer goals for myself, one of which to lose a bunch of weight. honestly i think this is the biggest i've ever been. katie needs to play a role in motivating me. i love katie. she is seriously my favorite ever. I want to study my butt off for the GRE and maybe convince someone to let me help them do research. I also want to save AT LEAST 6gs this summer so I can take 18 hrs both of my last semesters at NKU and graduate on time. God, I want to move to Dayton so bad. I want to decorate my apartment completely with IKEA furniture. I'd also like to get a laptop (macbook, plz!) and although I love my cannonbaby, I want a better digital. Idk if i'm SLR status yet, but i need an upgrade.

Sorry to Erin and Amanda for being a weak sis/friend. I hate myself right now, so it's okay if you do too.

oh yeah and I need to get my act together with school. not turning in projects is not a good idea.

LOST BLOG EVER.
the end.

2008-03-14T22:44:00.000-07:00

ryan wrecked my car today.

oh and florida was okay.

babysteps.

2008-03-06T21:49:00.000-08:00

i cannot wait to wake up with your arms wrapped around me for five days straight. To fall asleep and wake up with you still beside me. to smell your scent in the middle of the night. to kiss your cheek before we drift off to sleep. i need this. i need you. it's baby steps towards a time when this is a nightly occurance. when i am yours and you are mine.

2008-03-06T11:06:00.001-08:00

i colored my hair. not sure if i'm into it or not. oh well, it's just hair. dude i am lost about what grad program to do. i guess i'll apply all around and see who accepts me. when i get my masters, i want to be called MASTER JOHNSON, doctoral degrees are call DR. whatever, so i want to be a master. i cannot wait to be in florida with my booboo. we are going to j alexander's for din-din tonight! lovely. i wish it was summer time. i am sick of it being cold and lame.

um, i still love james dewees.

2008-03-04T12:52:00.001-08:00

i need update this sometime.

i will wait for you...

2008-02-20T14:39:00.000-08:00

Life is still going okay. Grandpa is in a beautiful place where he can fix the lawn and his car and give the best hugs. It makes it easier to think that he is out of all that pain. I still want to visit grandma, to keep in touch better.
I met Rish for lunch yesterday and she showed me around the art building. She and I might get our nostrils pierced soon. Yikes. I missed her.
I babysat last night. How I missed those kiddies! I felt like I ran a mile after all that tag. They make me feel 6 again. I love it.
School is blowing my mind. I need March 8th to get here sooner.
Female vocalists are saving my life right now<3.

Well I'm off to meet Seb for the thrice/say anything show! It was his 21st yesterday! Grown ass man.
Thursday= Lost with my boo.
Friday = Entourage with my bro (Michael!)
Saturday = Babysitting joshy, t and my phia!
Sunday = Shopping with the Beavs (fingers crossed).

I love anyone who knows my name and face.

thanks for all the kisses.

2008-02-18T11:25:00.001-08:00

Rest in Peace:
Edward A. Kathman
(grandpa next-door)
June 6, 1928 - February 15, 2008

rolemodel.

2008-02-17T20:17:00.001-08:00

2008-02-14T09:55:00.000-08:00

My life is getting to be so amazing & I love it.
Things get so much easier when you lose unreasonable expectations.
I like who I am right now, because its the first time in YEARS that I feel like my own person.
I listen to whatever I like. I do whatever I like. I take the classes I want. I dress how I want. It is completely freeing and I don't know why I didn't start this sooner.

Oh yeah, and I only HAVE to work MWF now! How sweet is that? I pick up serving shifts just about every Saturday to make a quick 80-120 bucks. Idk, things just seem to be falling into place to me.

Ryan and I are going to start going to Sat. services at the Vineyard. We leave for O-town on the 8th of March! We are going to have so much fun and I can't wait to see Jaysen!

All of my posts need to be like this!

not working on homework

2008-02-10T20:08:00.000-08:00

god blessed me the day he dropped ryan into my life. he is by far more than i could even dream up. he loves me for who i am and makes me feel like i'm worth all the trouble. i know in my heart that he was made for me. we were meant to grow old and wrinkly together. no one will ever know me the way he does. he is my boyfriend, my best friend, my whole world. this is love times a million.

2008-02-05T08:44:00.000-08:00

those hands have crafted an album that is quickly changing my life. honestly, i think dallas and i were soul mates in former life. i can personally relate to almost every song. it's terrifying. in other news, i'm on the brink of quitting my job, yet again. once they fix a paycheck from mid December, i think i'll put my two weeks in. i want to look into getting a research job so it looks better on my grad school transcripts. i'm almost a grown up. :]

love/hate

2008-02-02T14:43:00.000-08:00

picking up the pieces
& going home.

"We are certainly strong. But we are also certainly fragile."

2008-01-24T18:53:00.000-08:00

"But we are still here, you and me... And so the question is what to do with that. What to do with the news of the day, and this air that still remains in our lungs. i would say these things: You are not alone. Your life matters. Your story is important. You are alive tonight for a reason. You were created to love and to be loved. You were not meant to be alone. You are not alone. You were meant to do life with other people. You need people who know you. You need to know people. Your voice matters."

That is a quote from the TWLOHA blog. I honestly think Jamie (the founder) was blessed with a way with words. Although this is regarding the loss of Heath Ledger, it is something that I needed to hear. I've fallen so far in the past year from my walk with God and I need to find my way back. Although I love the Vineyard, I think I use it's size as a crutch. I don't really take the time to get actively involved. I want to call Brian Maier Jr and see if he'd like to show me some new churches, just to test some new waters. I'd like to get Ryan involved too. Our relationship will never make it if this is just a building block, our faith has to be our foundation. I haven't prayed in months and maybe I should try it.

Today I met Stacy and the kids for lunch. She and Cody got Ryan and I a gift card and movie tickets for babysitting for them and it almost made me cry. I love that family and it means a lot that they appreciate me too. It again was something I needed to hear/feel. I'm pretty lost right now and every now and again I need to know that I'm a person worth knowing. I honestly don't feel much like I am anymore...

2008-01-23T12:10:00.001-08:00

cloverfield is tight.

2008-01-21T10:05:00.000-08:00

vacation plans for this year are as f0llows:
2nd week of march = fla. with my boo to see Jason!
last weekend of march = chi-town with amanda and katie for A Bo's 21st!
june/july = FLA. again! with my fam (so all expenses paid!)

plus, maybe some weekend trips here and there for fun.
i hope this all happens or i'll be a bumasaurous rex.

goals for this year are as follows:
LOSE WEIGHT, TUBBY!
keep that 3.5 gpa.
FIND A BETTER JOB!
travel galore.
buy a macbook.
take the GRE.
decide where and what i'm getting my masters in.

i feel like a grown ass lady. I'm thinking that UD is going to be my future home. Dayton has a delias, what else do i need? SNAP, I could work there! Hahaha.

my boyfriend starts his police academy the last week of march! What a stud! I am beyond proud of him. That boy is my best friend. If people aren't striving to find something like what we have, they are completely clueless. How can dating a male version of yourself not be anything but amazing? Seriously. I love my little cadet Moormann.

I really need to stop puking at other people's houses. It's bad for my image.

i wanna be Wendy Peffercorn.

2008-01-16T18:46:00.000-08:00

next on the shit list.

2008-01-14T12:40:00.000-08:00

I AM SPITEFUL! DON'T COME TOO CLOSE.

2008-01-11T12:41:00.000-08:00

lately i've been watching endless episodes of clark & michael. It is by far one of the funniest shows ever. Seriously, this dudes blow my mind. i want to get some vans like michaels.

i picked up the new iron and wine and saves the day cds today. i want to figure how to take pictures like the cover of under the boards. i also looked into buy a tripod for my camera(s), i don't really know what i'm looking for, so i think that a cheap one will suffice.

so i ordered this shirt for all in and they sent me this hoodie. meh. i'm sort of bummed.

13 hrs.

2008-01-10T18:24:00.000-08:00

i came home to my mom watching entourage.
best night ever!

we killed it.

2008-01-07T20:50:00.001-08:00

lately i can't say i'm sure about anything. if you asked me where i stand on anything, i'd most likely stutter. it's getting tougher. the black and whites are becoming more and more gray. like who the f am i? who are my friends? where is "god"?

tonight i watched 2 discs of entourage with my mom. she loved it. she wants to watch the entire series. maybe i can talk her into getting HBO again.

ryan asked me to move out with him yesterday. seriously. i'm that boy's first choice. damn. how did i win over that stud? that boy is my entire world. just look at the kid, he is gorgeous. the best looking boy i've ever had the privilege of making out with. head and shoulders above any dude i've ever come into contact with. Good luck finding a guy that talks about what song we'll dance to at our wedding, kids names and at the same time is content with driving me around and eating obscene amounts of b&js ice cream. when i was in the 7th grade i made this corny list of ideal boyfriend characteristics and the kid is spot on all the ones that still matter (sorry me 8 years ago, you never found a dude with a lip ring...).

oh anyway, i can't move out or ma and pops would shit a brick AND i don't have the dough to pay for school if i move out (and it would be an hr drive to school!). Nice thought though, living with that bearded dreamboat. Our house would be so amazing too. We have the best taste.

I don't want to go back to school next week. I still have 3.5 years to go! Yuck. Why didn't I pick a major where a bachelors was good enough?!

oh yeah and i'm going to FLA the first week of June and I better have my mac by then. I still have 2 grand after tuition. I'm pretty much when it comes to saving money. Until now, since i have some breathing room, I'm shopping like it's my job. Oh well.

if akon & sean kingston went on a world tour, i'd pay to see it. does that make me a shitty person? Anyway, I want to take another trip to my sister's bar on karaoke night.

oh and my old best friend text me tonight, it was weird...

2008-01-05T13:24:00.001-08:00

2007 was one of the worst years to date. i did nothing but go to school, work and lose all of my friends.

2008 i plan on having as much fun as possible and living by the slogan "don't threaten me with a good time"

i also got my hair cut (that picture is terrible!)

and saw juno which might be my new favorite movie.

the end.

2008-01-02T22:47:00.000-08:00

I kiss you on the brain in the shadow of a train
I kiss you all starry eyed, my body's swinging from side to side
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

dear '08-
please redeem your predecessor.
thanks a bunch
-lauren g. johnson

oh and i wish i was still into edge
because this rules
and i'm ordering this.
and giving birth to this.
and investing in this.