"We are certainly strong. But we are also certainly fragile."

"But we are still here, you and me... And so the question is what to do with that. What to do with the news of the day, and this air that still remains in our lungs. i would say these things: You are not alone. Your life matters. Your story is important. You are alive tonight for a reason. You were created to love and to be loved. You were not meant to be alone. You are not alone. You were meant to do life with other people. You need people who know you. You need to know people. Your voice matters."

That is a quote from the TWLOHA blog. I honestly think Jamie (the founder) was blessed with a way with words. Although this is regarding the loss of Heath Ledger, it is something that I needed to hear. I've fallen so far in the past year from my walk with God and I need to find my way back. Although I love the Vineyard, I think I use it's size as a crutch. I don't really take the time to get actively involved. I want to call Brian Maier Jr and see if he'd like to show me some new churches, just to test some new waters. I'd like to get Ryan involved too. Our relationship will never make it if this is just a building block, our faith has to be our foundation. I haven't prayed in months and maybe I should try it.


Today I met Stacy and the kids for lunch. She and Cody got Ryan and I a gift card and movie tickets for babysitting for them and it almost made me cry. I love that family and it means a lot that they appreciate me too. It again was something I needed to hear/feel. I'm pretty lost right now and every now and again I need to know that I'm a person worth knowing. I honestly don't feel much like I am anymore...

cloverfield is tight.

vacation plans for this year are as f0llows:
2nd week of march = fla. with my boo to see Jason!
last weekend of march = chi-town with amanda and katie for A Bo's 21st!
june/july = FLA. again! with my fam (so all expenses paid!)

plus, maybe some weekend trips here and there for fun.
i hope this all happens or i'll be a bumasaurous rex.

goals for this year are as follows:
LOSE WEIGHT, TUBBY!
keep that 3.5 gpa.
FIND A BETTER JOB!
travel galore.
buy a macbook.
take the GRE.
decide where and what i'm getting my masters in.

i feel like a grown ass lady. I'm thinking that UD is going to be my future home. Dayton has a delias, what else do i need? SNAP, I could work there! Hahaha.

my boyfriend starts his police academy the last week of march! What a stud! I am beyond proud of him. That boy is my best friend. If people aren't striving to find something like what we have, they are completely clueless. How can dating a male version of yourself not be anything but amazing? Seriously. I love my little cadet Moormann.

I really need to stop puking at other people's houses. It's bad for my image.

i wanna be Wendy Peffercorn.

next on the shit list.

I AM SPITEFUL! DON'T COME TOO CLOSE.

lately i've been watching endless episodes of clark & michael. It is by far one of the funniest shows ever. Seriously, this dudes blow my mind. i want to get some vans like michaels.

i picked up the new iron and wine and saves the day cds today. i want to figure how to take pictures like the cover of under the boards. i also looked into buy a tripod for my camera(s), i don't really know what i'm looking for, so i think that a cheap one will suffice.


so i ordered this shirt for all in and they sent me this hoodie. meh. i'm sort of bummed.

13 hrs.

i came home to my mom watching entourage.
best night ever!

we killed it.

lately i can't say i'm sure about anything. if you asked me where i stand on anything, i'd most likely stutter. it's getting tougher. the black and whites are becoming more and more gray. like who the f am i? who are my friends? where is "god"?

tonight i watched 2 discs of entourage with my mom. she loved it. she wants to watch the entire series. maybe i can talk her into getting HBO again.

ryan asked me to move out with him yesterday. seriously. i'm that boy's first choice. damn. how did i win over that stud? that boy is my entire world. just look at the kid, he is gorgeous. the best looking boy i've ever had the privilege of making out with. head and shoulders above any dude i've ever come into contact with. Good luck finding a guy that talks about what song we'll dance to at our wedding, kids names and at the same time is content with driving me around and eating obscene amounts of b&js ice cream. when i was in the 7th grade i made this corny list of ideal boyfriend characteristics and the kid is spot on all the ones that still matter (sorry me 8 years ago, you never found a dude with a lip ring...).

oh anyway, i can't move out or ma and pops would shit a brick AND i don't have the dough to pay for school if i move out (and it would be an hr drive to school!). Nice thought though, living with that bearded dreamboat. Our house would be so amazing too. We have the best taste.

I don't want to go back to school next week. I still have 3.5 years to go! Yuck. Why didn't I pick a major where a bachelors was good enough?!

oh yeah and i'm going to FLA the first week of June and I better have my mac by then. I still have 2 grand after tuition. I'm pretty much when it comes to saving money. Until now, since i have some breathing room, I'm shopping like it's my job. Oh well.

if akon & sean kingston went on a world tour, i'd pay to see it. does that make me a shitty person? Anyway, I want to take another trip to my sister's bar on karaoke night.

oh and my old best friend text me tonight, it was weird...

2007 was one of the worst years to date. i did nothing but go to school, work and lose all of my friends.

2008 i plan on having as much fun as possible and living by the slogan "don't threaten me with a good time"

i also got my hair cut (that picture is terrible!)

and saw juno which might be my new favorite movie.

the end.

I kiss you on the brain in the shadow of a train
I kiss you all starry eyed, my body's swinging from side to side
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

dear '08-
please redeem your predecessor.
thanks a bunch
-lauren g. johnson

oh and i wish i was still into edge
because this rules
and i'm ordering this.
and giving birth to this.
and investing in this.