Friday, November 28, 2008

giving thanks:


ryan s. moormann: i don't know where to start. you are all i have ever dream of and much more than i deserve. i used to think that love was a lie, that i could have found love anywhere i was, but i know now that there is no one on this earth that will ever know me the way you do. no one will ever take the time to understand me like you do. no one will have my heart, only you. our story may not be a dramatic one, but it's remarkable that you and i ended up together and i thank God every day for allowing me to find you. we are more than most will ever find. i love you every inch of me.


amanda v. bowman: i have known you for most of my life and i have to say that being apart of your life has always been so interesting. you are one of the most unique people i've ever had the privilege of knowing. you are so willing to just open your heart and give all of yourself. i admire you ability to see the best in others, no matter what history you have with them. you have this ability to make everyone feel comfortable, like they can come sit down and have a conversation with you. i hope one day you find what it is you're looking for and it's everything you deserve. i know it most likely won't be within the limits of this city, because you were destine for bigger things. 


christin n. doyle: although we aren't as close as I'd like us to be I still value your friendship. Its been a bit difficult to spend a lot of time with anyone lately due to my school/work situation, but it was nice to have our thursday nights, even if you spent most of the night talking someone's ear off by the fire. ha ha. it's nice to have someone to talk shit with and go to about grown up stuff, you know that kind of things I know nothing at all about. and you also know that we'll always have gg and arrested development.


savannah b. kuchenmeister: I know we've grown FAR apart this past year, but i'd still like you know the impact you have had on my life. i've been mixed up, i've been bull-headed, but i really think that our relationship has taught me what being a friend is really all about. I could share all of who I was with you. I loved being around you because it felt like I had finally found someone who could see things through my eyes. I didn't have to explain everything, you just knew. You were always on my side. I felt like you were family. I'm sorry things have ended up like this. I felt like I was losing you and it hurt so I cut myself off from you. I think about you all the time and wish things could be like they were when we were seventeen. I know that we'll never be that way again, but I just need you to know how much I really appreciate all those times you were there for me and all the memories we made together.  

katherine j. hoog- over this past year we have grown so close. you are so level headed I kind of realize what a basket case I am. I'm sorry it took me this long to get so close to you. You are so reliable, so honest, sincere, laid back, all the things i sometimes think i'm not. I just feel so grateful to you. You push me to screw my head on straight and really look at things for what they are not. You are a beautiful person inside and out. I'm so lucky to have a friend like you. 
to my dedicated parents:
mom- you have been really my closest confidant in the past few years. you are such a selfless and affectionate mother, i hope that one day i can be half the woman you are. you put your all into all that you do and fit so many roles for me. i'll never know all the sacrifices you have made to get our family to the place we're at, but i hope that you know that i will be forever grateful to you for that. God has blessed me with two parents who would give all of themselves to see me succeed, no matter how i define it. thank you so much.
dad- i'll always be your little girl and i hope you know that. i will always take comfort in cuddling underneath your arm. i remember when i was little i always wanted to sleep in your old tee shirts and how i used to fake falling asleep so you'd have to carry me to bed and tuck me in. you are such an amazing man, i hope that one day i have a husband who is nearly as dedicated to his family. you are so strong, like the rock i can always latch on to in times of trouble.
to my sissy & bro-bro:
erin- you have always been some sort of fun house image of who i want to be. i only wish i could have a little of your positive outlook, quick wit and good looks. you are such an amazing person and you have such a huge heart. i feel so blessed to have spent my early years look up to you. thank you for being an amazing older sister. you have sincerely taught me more than you will ever know. i love you dearly.
kevin- i know i'm all that you don't want to become, but i just want you to know how much i long for a relationship with you. i strive to find common ground with you even though you just see me as some weird, bookworm who lives in the room next door. i'm sorry if i come of as resentful or a tattle-tail. i cannot wait for you come into your own and succeed in life. i know you have it in you. you were my first best friend, i hope you know that. i love you so much. 


Tuesday, November 18, 2008

this ship of fools i'm on will sink

I was able to pick up two shifts for this weekend. If that keeps up then maybe I'll be able to keep my head afloat. Other than that, I babysat twice this week.
Last night I got hit hard by some sort of bug. My whole body hurts and i didn't sleep well at all last night. So I slept through my classes today, which I absolutely shouldn't have done. I just really can't get out of bed. I'm currently laying around watching gossip girl and hoping I feel almost normal by 5 so I can work tonight. 

In other news, Ryan and I went to Dayton this weekend and spent time with his old friend Bryan. It was so much fun and they were so nice! For once we hung out with chill people who weren't total negs. Seriously. They did pretty much the same stuff only they weren't super pissed off for no reason or ridiculously negative about EVERYTHING! Ryan said it was the first time in a long time he was able to have a good time with friends without having to drink. It made me feel really good to be up there and I hope we go back really soon. I'm really regretting supporting Ryan's move to L-Wald. I can barely be in that house for more than 20 mins. It is honestly depressing. 

i need work on school stuff l8rz.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

$3,626!

Finical woes are out of control right now.
Since I have to take 18 hrs in order to graduate, NKU is charing me an extra 300 bucks.
I was going to take on line classes, but they are 90 bucks each so now I'm only taking one.
Thank god, I can take the other two in class.  Apparently the mental health teacher I have to three classes makes you buy ridiculously expensive books. 
So as of right now I have until Jan. to save up 3,626 bucks for tuition, over 300 bucks for books, and however much for Christmas. I'm royally screwed. I only have 3,000 in the bank right now. I feel so sick to my stomach. I'm on lock down from now on. No more driving all over. No more fast food. No more fronting my friends money.... 

Thursday, November 6, 2008

200G8.


So last year I politely asked 2008 to be an amazing year and to my surprise it has been. Last year was by far one of the worst years of my life, however this year has been the complete opposite. This past year, I have my whole schooling figured out, my grandma was diagnosed cancer free, my sibs are getting it together, i see my friends pretty often and have met some amazing new folks, i went on like 4 vacations, i rule at my job and the boss i thought hated me said that I'm his best employee, I fall deeper in love with Ryan everyday! How amazing is that?! OH yeah and I am final okay with who I am.
I thought for sure after everything that went down last year, how lost i was, how much self loathing i had, that I had no choice but to be jaded. Instead it's like a breath of fresh air,  I love being okay with everyone in my inner circle and outer for that matter. I feel like for the first time in a long time I am my own person. I seriously feel comfortable in my own skin. I don't feel like a carbon copy like I use to. Life is good. I've got my head on straight and the future is so bright.