ugh my room will never be clean again. some one come take half of my wardrobe. 

i think i want an anchor tattoo when jesse starts up again.

how original. 

i'm so crafty these days.

if you want a feathered barrette, call me!

new moon.

life post graduation is sort of depressing. i haven't applied for any jobs since i start summer school in July, but I started looking in to volunteering at Children's, which would be awesome, I just have to jump through a lot of hoop in order to do so. I think it will be worth it, so I'm going to attempt it.

Last summer at this time I had two jobs and worked a TON, but this summer so far I've really just sat on my bed and downloaded music and played Vortex on my ipod. I need some sort of pressure to feel normal. I just feel so worthless with all this free time. 

I think it's about time I move out. I know it will break my dad's heart, but I really don't know how much longer I can keep up this facade that I'm some 17 year old. I want to decorate my own place and I want to hang out in my underpants without getting yelled at.

I'm getting weirdly antsy about getting married. My logical side keeps winning out. I'm too young. I'm too naive. and Ryan isn't ready. I just really want to live with him, but I'm nervous if I agree to move in with him there will be no motivation to get married. 

Ugh. I need to start going out... this is ridiculous. 

750.

So as of today I am a graduate of Northern Kentucky University.

it's weird typing that. I care barely believe that I have spent four years in college. I've worked so hard and really cannot believe that I graduated on time. I started school aimless and as much  as I enjoyed the comfort of Raymond Walters, I think that choosing NKU was one of the best things I have ever done. Although my parents have always been super supportive and I cannot even begin to explain how grateful I am to them, they basically cut off my college funding after my associates and really didn't do much as far as guiding me about what to do next. I knew I couldn't afford to continue at UC, go to Xavier or Miami, but NKU was something I hoped I could manage. And after some 40+ hour work weeks, weekends of babysitting, being 22 and still living at home, I'm so proud to say that I financed these last two years of school, books, supplies, parking passes and graduation expenses all without ever taking out a loan. Not to toot my own horn, but I'm just really grateful I was able to do all this without too much help. 

I tried all day to keep it together, but my eyes were misted for most of the day. As I was sitting waiting to get my diploma I just kept thinking about what I huge accomplishment and stepping stone this is. My parents hugged me and told me how proud they were all day. And they were just glowing, which felt really nice. I even held it together when I received a card from my great Aunt in New York which ended: "I know your grandma would be so proud", but when I came home tonight I had a final unopened card on my dresser. It was from my  mom and dad and as I read it, I just couldn't hold it back any longer. I know I'm continuing on with my education and that anymore EVERYONE gets a college degree, but really it is a lot of work and a big risk. I just want to thank everyone who has been in my life for the past four years. I feel like I've grown so much and am so grateful for everyone in my life. Today I feel truly blessed. To be honest, it's one if not the happiest day of my life.

B.

 Leighton Meester can actually kind of sing. weird.

life is pretty good right now.

i guess i'll never be too old for pop punk.

what a sweet birthday weekend.

101

for my birthday, ryan got me a 120 gb ipod with "Lauren Gray You Are My Sunshine" engraved on the back.

<3