new moon.

life post graduation is sort of depressing. i haven't applied for any jobs since i start summer school in July, but I started looking in to volunteering at Children's, which would be awesome, I just have to jump through a lot of hoop in order to do so. I think it will be worth it, so I'm going to attempt it.

Last summer at this time I had two jobs and worked a TON, but this summer so far I've really just sat on my bed and downloaded music and played Vortex on my ipod. I need some sort of pressure to feel normal. I just feel so worthless with all this free time. 

I think it's about time I move out. I know it will break my dad's heart, but I really don't know how much longer I can keep up this facade that I'm some 17 year old. I want to decorate my own place and I want to hang out in my underpants without getting yelled at.

I'm getting weirdly antsy about getting married. My logical side keeps winning out. I'm too young. I'm too naive. and Ryan isn't ready. I just really want to live with him, but I'm nervous if I agree to move in with him there will be no motivation to get married. 

Ugh. I need to start going out... this is ridiculous.