loose lips & sinking ships.

so i'm updating because i'm waiting for casey and ryan to pick me up for corey's birthday dinner. i got all dressed up because i'm sick of looking like white trash like i do at work and basically every other minute of my life.

break has been sort of lame. i've worked a ton. hung out with ryan some. babysat yesterday and last night. i've also been hanging out with Mike after work here and there. It's so awesome to have someone to call up and hang out with. We have almost the same work schedule, but of course dude is moving away here soon. story of my life really, make a friend, they leave you behind. not bitter at all i swear.

i've been seriously debating some of my life choices as of right now, like the fact that I want to study photography now, instead of psychology... like how i want to live with my boyfriend... like how i want a brand new job... like how i might not care about "straight edge" anymore. I guess I'm growing up. It feels awesome really. Not that I don't have great memories, it just feels good to be almost adult-like. I'm over the piss and moan thing, the talking crap thing, the grudge thing, now I'm all about saving dough (for a macbook) hanging out with anyone i feel like and getting knocked off my high horse. whatever, people in this world drink, smoke, shoot up, ect. i can still love them, right? This isn't some sort of "turning your back" thing, this is maturity. It feels good.

Practice Makes Better

Aren't we so good at holding on to the past?
If we weren't speeding, I'm sure we wouldn't have crashed.
Under the influence of our shallow lust;
I know we should be careful but that won't happen to us...
Love is a second, third, fourth and fifth shot.
God knows I need it; God knows you haven't forgot...
Oh and you are too much like a drug to me.
No longer what I want, just what I think I need.
Why would I leave when I could waste away with you?
Less concerned with what I'll find than what I could lose...
It's easier to look down than to look you straight in the eye.
I'll only say this once because I know it's going to make you cry.
There is a reason I feel lost when I'm not with you.
It's not because of love; it's just that you are what I've gotten used to...
Nothing left;
but you say
"Can't you give us one more try? We're in a knot that I can't let you untie":
If we don't leave now, we never will.
Turn your back one last time on me

time will go away.

interests as of late:

• avoiding working more than 4 days a week
• seeing my boyfriend as much as possible
• taking a crap ton of pictures
• NEVER EVER drinking. EVER.
  
• sleeping passed 10 AM
• the band THIS IS ME SMILING
• watching endless hours of DVRed television
• eating as many pizza-esque products as possible
  

" Write me down, I am the words: falling apart.
Take this broken world off of my heart.
So I stumble down into the room where the templates are made.
And you show me that somehow I can change these days. "

rough couple of days, but i'm keeping my head up. I'm finished with my first semester at NKU. How very exciting. This is what next semester looks like:

MWF
Research Tools in Psychology 9:00-9:50
Abnormal Psychology 10:00-10:50
World Cultures 11:00-12:00
Career Planning in Psychology 12:00-12:50 (Wednesday only)
Research Methods in Psychology 1:00-1:50

TH
Animal Learning 9:25-10:40

Not too shabby. I'm getting a lot of my major requirements done, which is really exciting. I'm hoping to graduate (again...) by the latest next Summer. I've decided to concentrate on Literature. Not excited, but it will be the easiest thing for me to do.

if it weren't for Ryan and his friends, my only social contact would be with my mom and dad. it's pretty pathetic. I know for a lot of people this awkward age between adolescence and adulthood is spent interacting with peers, but honestly I feel like I have no friends. I have old ties that people feel forced to maintain. My life is hectic, but really post 9 PM i sit by myself until go to bed. I'm pretty sure that the only remnants of friendships that I have left or strictly for nostalgia's sake. It's lovely to have a boyfriend who cares about you deeply, I know I'd never trade it for the world, but he will never be able to fill this void I have, this desire to have girls to call and be close too.
So far at NKU I've only met one girl, who although is a sweet person, is very different from me. Idk, maybe it's better to get to know new people. It's sad, but really I feel like the only people I really hang out with are my boyfriend's friends. I guess people have it worse off, but I just feel really alone lately...

we are unbreakable.

i cannot wait for my life to begin... i cannot wait to be finished with school and live on my own, have a new car to mess up, a job that doesn't involve cleaning toilets and a boy to wake up next to every morning.