goodbye 200h8:

top artists: (via Last.FM)

1. City & Colour

2. Forever the Sickest Kids

3. Lifetime

4. New Found Glory

5. Copeland 

6. Saves the Day

7. Anberlin

8. With Honor

9. Thrice

10. T.I. (omgz)

top movies:

1. The Dark Knight

2. Wall-E

3. Let The Right One In

4. Nick & Nora (ftw)

5. The Strangers (yikes..)

top folks:

1. ryan moormann

2. mom/pops.

3. katie j. hoog

4. the lampe family

5. seb stumbo.

seriously.

i've only gotten one "C" in my 3.5 years of college, 

it was in one quarter on finite math/calculus.

this semester i earned 2 "B"s and 3 "A"s.

future: bright

mm. i love r.pattz. Katie and I saw "twilight" on Friday in the theater instead of on my lap top. ha ha. it was still terrible, but the books are good so whatevs. Ryan bought me the forth one for Christmas! He gave me my gifts already: Wall-E, lounge fly purse/wallet & juicy couture perfume. :] What a stud. 

SCHOOL IS OVER! Yeah and somehow I managed a "B" in cognitive psych, therefore my GPA isn't going down the pooper this semester! What a Christmas Miracle! 

I'm so nervous about next semester, 

here is my work schedule:

Monday 3-9: Manage

Thursday 5-9: Serve

Saturday 8-3: Serve

(17 hrs. not too shabby!)

here is my school schedule:
BEGINNING CONDITIONING MWF 09:00-09:50AM
AMERICAN POLITICS TR 10:50-12:05PM
COGNITIVE PROCESSES LAB TR 12:15-01:30PM
ASSESSMENT/APPRAISAL:MENTAL HLTH TR 01:40-02:55PM
INDUSTRIAL/ORGANIZATIONAL PSY TR 03:05-04:20PM
DEATH, DYING, AND GRIEF T 06:15-09:00PM
ALCOHOLISM: ISSUES/INTERVENTION WEB
Total Enrolled Hours: 18.00

uniform.

No-one can be trusted over the age of 14

Tattoo our arms,

Converse shoes,

Cynical,

But we still do it

We tell ourselves that we're different

I've gotten so good at lying to myself

All, all my pain and honour is used up

All my guns are rusted

So when are you going to realise those are not your wrongs to right

Have another line, have another drink

(Pop songs won’t change the government)

I am a martyr, I just need a motive

I am a martyr, I just need a cause

I'm a believer, I just need to a moment

I'm a believer, I just need a cause

We're finding it hard to break the mould

We are finding it so hard to be alone

We're finding it hard to have time by ourselves

We have nothing at all to say.

you've got your new ties,

i've got my old knots.

I don't just want to be a footnote in someone else's happiness

it's a sad day when you realize that you're not a doormat,

but you are THE doormat.

altruism is never worth it.

no one respects or reciprocates it.

it's depressing to see it live out in real life,

why does selfishness live on 

and altruism die?

... besides the obvious evolutionary explanation,

it that the day you find out that NO ONE will ever go out of their way to do ANYTHING for you

is that day that you give up on humanity,

and the world no longer matters.

what's the point in caring about others... what's the point in using your resources for something other than myself?

before you see it,

maybe i'm not cynical, maybe i'm realistic.

the idea of a just world is null and void.

i read new moon in three days also.

i should wait a bit for eclipse.

i read twilight in three days. that is the fastest i've ever read a book in my life (aside from perk of being a wallflower).

flightless bird.

So I just deposited an amazing 968.65 in the bank. That included two weeks of paychecks. two weeks of serving, babysitting, collection of backed payments and a months worth of change. 

I'm right where I need to be, but I cannot let up. I need to stay focused on this gas only budget. Thank God it's only 1.64 a gallon. The next two weeks will kick my ass with school and work. So that doesn't leave much time for money blowing.

At this rate I might be able to buy Ryan something (along with what I'm making him) and little something for Erin, mom and dad and possibly Kevin, if i can swallow my resentment. 

Other than that things are looking up all around me. Seriously, God blesses me everyday in the tiniest ways. He provides when I need him to. In my cognitive class, I earned a 100% on the paper boosting my grade up to a 76%! Usually that grade would piss me off, but right now a 76 is looking pretty sweet. I'm working on some extra credit and I'm studying my ass off for the last test. I have a ten page paper for Evo. Psy. due next Fri., I have two essays and like 3 online tests for Ethics, and notes to catch up for Health Psy. I'll get it all done, I always do.

Lately I've been listening to a lot of instrumental bands. When I was young I hated anything without lyrics, but mostly because my parents listened to shit like Kenny G. Now I cannot get enough of instrumentals. Seriously, sometimes you just don't need words. You can just feel and see it all through your ear drums. That may sound stupid. Oh well. 

I watched that movie "Twilight" on line last week, Rob Pattinson carried the whole entire movie and I hated the lead girl, Bella, but I think I want to read the books over my winter holiday. Just to keep my mind active a little. I read Harry Potter and the like so I'm not above reading those books I guess. Heh. 

Well I'm off to spend my off night with Ryan. 

giving thanks:

ryan s. moormann: i don't know where to start. you are all i have ever dream of and much more than i deserve. i used to think that love was a lie, that i could have found love anywhere i was, but i know now that there is no one on this earth that will ever know me the way you do. no one will ever take the time to understand me like you do. no one will have my heart, only you. our story may not be a dramatic one, but it's remarkable that you and i ended up together and i thank God every day for allowing me to find you. we are more than most will ever find. i love you every inch of me.

amanda v. bowman: i have known you for most of my life and i have to say that being apart of your life has always been so interesting. you are one of the most unique people i've ever had the privilege of knowing. you are so willing to just open your heart and give all of yourself. i admire you ability to see the best in others, no matter what history you have with them. you have this ability to make everyone feel comfortable, like they can come sit down and have a conversation with you. i hope one day you find what it is you're looking for and it's everything you deserve. i know it most likely won't be within the limits of this city, because you were destine for bigger things. 

christin n. doyle: although we aren't as close as I'd like us to be I still value your friendship. Its been a bit difficult to spend a lot of time with anyone lately due to my school/work situation, but it was nice to have our thursday nights, even if you spent most of the night talking someone's ear off by the fire. ha ha. it's nice to have someone to talk shit with and go to about grown up stuff, you know that kind of things I know nothing at all about. and you also know that we'll always have gg and arrested development.

savannah b. kuchenmeister: I know we've grown FAR apart this past year, but i'd still like you know the impact you have had on my life. i've been mixed up, i've been bull-headed, but i really think that our relationship has taught me what being a friend is really all about. I could share all of who I was with you. I loved being around you because it felt like I had finally found someone who could see things through my eyes. I didn't have to explain everything, you just knew. You were always on my side. I felt like you were family. I'm sorry things have ended up like this. I felt like I was losing you and it hurt so I cut myself off from you. I think about you all the time and wish things could be like they were when we were seventeen. I know that we'll never be that way again, but I just need you to know how much I really appreciate all those times you were there for me and all the memories we made together.  

katherine j. hoog- over this past year we have grown so close. you are so level headed I kind of realize what a basket case I am. I'm sorry it took me this long to get so close to you. You are so reliable, so honest, sincere, laid back, all the things i sometimes think i'm not. I just feel so grateful to you. You push me to screw my head on straight and really look at things for what they are not. You are a beautiful person inside and out. I'm so lucky to have a friend like you. 

to my dedicated parents:

mom- you have been really my closest confidant in the past few years. you are such a selfless and affectionate mother, i hope that one day i can be half the woman you are. you put your all into all that you do and fit so many roles for me. i'll never know all the sacrifices you have made to get our family to the place we're at, but i hope that you know that i will be forever grateful to you for that. God has blessed me with two parents who would give all of themselves to see me succeed, no matter how i define it. thank you so much.

dad- i'll always be your little girl and i hope you know that. i will always take comfort in cuddling underneath your arm. i remember when i was little i always wanted to sleep in your old tee shirts and how i used to fake falling asleep so you'd have to carry me to bed and tuck me in. you are such an amazing man, i hope that one day i have a husband who is nearly as dedicated to his family. you are so strong, like the rock i can always latch on to in times of trouble.

to my sissy & bro-bro:

erin- you have always been some sort of fun house image of who i want to be. i only wish i could have a little of your positive outlook, quick wit and good looks. you are such an amazing person and you have such a huge heart. i feel so blessed to have spent my early years look up to you. thank you for being an amazing older sister. you have sincerely taught me more than you will ever know. i love you dearly.

kevin- i know i'm all that you don't want to become, but i just want you to know how much i long for a relationship with you. i strive to find common ground with you even though you just see me as some weird, bookworm who lives in the room next door. i'm sorry if i come of as resentful or a tattle-tail. i cannot wait for you come into your own and succeed in life. i know you have it in you. you were my first best friend, i hope you know that. i love you so much. 

this ship of fools i'm on will sink

I was able to pick up two shifts for this weekend. If that keeps up then maybe I'll be able to keep my head afloat. Other than that, I babysat twice this week.

Last night I got hit hard by some sort of bug. My whole body hurts and i didn't sleep well at all last night. So I slept through my classes today, which I absolutely shouldn't have done. I just really can't get out of bed. I'm currently laying around watching gossip girl and hoping I feel almost normal by 5 so I can work tonight. 

In other news, Ryan and I went to Dayton this weekend and spent time with his old friend Bryan. It was so much fun and they were so nice! For once we hung out with chill people who weren't total negs. Seriously. They did pretty much the same stuff only they weren't super pissed off for no reason or ridiculously negative about EVERYTHING! Ryan said it was the first time in a long time he was able to have a good time with friends without having to drink. It made me feel really good to be up there and I hope we go back really soon. I'm really regretting supporting Ryan's move to L-Wald. I can barely be in that house for more than 20 mins. It is honestly depressing. 

i need work on school stuff l8rz.

$3,626!

Finical woes are out of control right now.

Since I have to take 18 hrs in order to graduate, NKU is charing me an extra 300 bucks.

I was going to take on line classes, but they are 90 bucks each so now I'm only taking one.

Thank god, I can take the other two in class.  Apparently the mental health teacher I have to three classes makes you buy ridiculously expensive books. 

So as of right now I have until Jan. to save up 3,626 bucks for tuition, over 300 bucks for books, and however much for Christmas. I'm royally screwed. I only have 3,000 in the bank right now. I feel so sick to my stomach. I'm on lock down from now on. No more driving all over. No more fast food. No more fronting my friends money.... 

200G8.

So last year I politely asked 2008 to be an amazing year and to my surprise it has been. Last year was by far one of the worst years of my life, however this year has been the complete opposite. This past year, I have my whole schooling figured out, my grandma was diagnosed cancer free, my sibs are getting it together, i see my friends pretty often and have met some amazing new folks, i went on like 4 vacations, i rule at my job and the boss i thought hated me said that I'm his best employee, I fall deeper in love with Ryan everyday! How amazing is that?! OH yeah and I am final okay with who I am.

I thought for sure after everything that went down last year, how lost i was, how much self loathing i had, that I had no choice but to be jaded. Instead it's like a breath of fresh air,  I love being okay with everyone in my inner circle and outer for that matter. I feel like for the first time in a long time I am my own person. I seriously feel comfortable in my own skin. I don't feel like a carbon copy like I use to. Life is good. I've got my head on straight and the future is so bright. 

nothing left to do but waste my time...

there is something therapeutic about parks. I stumbled upon this park a few minutes away from campus and it had this pond surrounded by trees and bushes that were changing from green to vivid oranges and yellows, which reflected in the calm waters of the pond. I was having a horrible week, but once I saw this pond I knew everything was going to be okay. I felt content. I felt calm. happy, even. Its strange, but I love just sitting in parks alone. I feel so connected. I know that may not make sense. It just feels safe and right. I love the feeling of sunshine in my face. Today all the sunshine literally wiped the tears from my face. I wish I had more time in my schedule to just sit. Really sit. I love being outside alone with my thoughts. Maybe there's more to life than Cognitive Processes exams, Mental Health papers, dinner specials and night shifts. Maybe after four years of college I won't be complete or an adult or educated or whatever you're supposed to be. Maybe I'll just be someone. Just like everyone else and at the same completely different. 

I love fall, I really do. It reminds me of the life cycle and how beautiful death can be. Time is limited, but I want to go out like the leaves on the trees. During brightest most beautiful chapter of my life. 

Don't look ahead, just run to me Each step will find the next one recklessly We'll find ourselves on the safest ledge Well pardon me, I couldn't help myself Girl, fall into your life here If only for a while, I'm here Could you be happy to fall like a stone If you'd land right here safe in my arms? It's fine, lock all your doors through the night Keep it all right here, safe in my arms It's fine, it's fine You felt alone before you ever really knew how alone you were An empty house, a lonely room The TV talks the fear right out of you But you feel like someone's standing by but you'll never know Could you be happy to fall like a stone If you'd land right here safe in my arms? It's fine, lock all your doors through the night Keep it all right here, safe in my arms It's fine The sun burns a hole straight through your old flaws If you look toward the sky even on your greyest night Could you be happy now, with the wind in your hair And your eyes open wide and your feet going nowhere? Could you be happy to fall like a stone If you'd land right here safe in my arms? It's fine, lock all your doors through the night Keep it all right here, safe in my arms It's fine

i need to learn how to pass a cognitive processes test.

failure is not an option.

so i finally got my macbook! i love it.

school is stressing me out, but what is new.

work sucks. i never make enough money.

katie and i are having a party next weekend.

so that should be fun/insanely time consuming.

basically, ryan is trying to make me watch the strangers and i want to avoid it,

therefore this update was born.

helterskelter = ew.

I can officially announce it now: in May I will have a Bachelors of Science in Psychology.
It is the greatest accomplishment of my short life. Next month I will be inducted into the National Honor Society of Psychology.

My final semester at NKU will look like this:
PSY 338L Cognitive Processes Lab TR 12:15-1:30
HSR 305 Assessment/Appraisal TR 1:40-2:55
HSR 314 Death, Dying, Grief T 6:15-9
PHE 108 Beginning Conditioning MWF 9-9:50
PSY 3?? Industrial/Organizational Psychology WEB
HSR 340 Alcoholism Issues WEB
PSC 100 American Politics WEB

I'll have to cut back on working, but I can manage.

Amanda, Katie & I might move to Covington in Spring/Summer. It would be such a huge scary step, but I'm ready for more adventures. :] I see them about 2-3 times a week lately (christin included). This is something that warms my heart. I just wish Savannah was still around. I wish she could enjoy time with us (or me really) just like old times. But things have changed so much and I don't know where to start.

Erin is back in school. I've never been so proud of her. She really wants it this time around. She'll excel as a nurse. I just know it. She really is a lovely person, inside and out. I'm blessed to have her as a sister.
Kevin is struggling in school still. I keep hoping that he'll straighten out, but he's always been more of an Erin than a Lauren, so maybe he just needs some time off or something. I miss him now that he's not around, that's just how it always is.

long story short = :]

HALLOWEEN!

Katie and I are planning a halloween party at the boys' new house!
we're going to decorate the hole place!
we're making yummy foood and punch!
I'm making the sweetest playlist eva!
mark your calendar for nov. 1st!



i know i want to dress as a sailor pinup,
i just don't know which outfit to order.

but i finally get to wear frilly underoos!

santos party house.

i love nyc.
if i moved there i'd never leave the lower east side.
and i would be broke in less than a week.

it's a nice thought though. :]

my feet are huge
and i miss katie.

AUGUST:

1st: Nanny from 3-8:30.
2nd: Nanny from 10:30-5.
3rd: Visit the Lebanon crew.
4th: Nanny from 11-2. Manage from 2-9:45.
5th: manage from 3-9:30.
6th: Nanny from 2:30-7.
7th: Serve from 4:30-9.
8th: Nanny from 10:30-?. Cash from 5-9.
9th: Manage from 3-9:30.
10th: Manage from 3-9:30.
11th: Nanny from 10:30-?. Manage 3-9.
12th: Host 11-2. Serve 5-9.
13th: Nanny ??.
14th: Nanny ??. Serve 4:30-9.
15th: Leave for NYC.
16th: NYC
17th: NYC
18th: Return from NYC.
19th: TUITION DUE. Host 11-2. Serve 5-9.
20th: Nanny.
21st: Nanny. Serve 4:30-9.
22nd: Last day as a nanny. Cash 5-9.
23rd: Serve 3-9.
24th: OFF!
25th: Start school 1-3:15. Manage 4-9.
26th: Class 9:25-4:20. Serve 5-9.
27th: Class 1-3:15.
28th: Class 9:25-4:20. Serve 5-9.
29th: Class 1-1:50. Cash 5-9.
30th: Serve 6-2.
31st: OFF!


I'm officially insane, but I should earn enough to not worry about investing in my macbook.
In September, Ryan and I will see Crime in Stereo and New Found Glory, & Brand New.
He also will turn 23 and move into his new place (drama...). I will also be planning a welcome home party for Katherine Hoog!

awkward.

sometime it takes going back to realize where you are. i'm pretty content with the current state of life. this wave is just the one i want to ride out on.

seporated at birth! ha i love perez.

i never feel like "blogging". i get online to check out school stuff, steal music and lurk. so here's an update:
madradstalkers consumes me.
work is still sweet. i wish i could nanny full time forever.
i'm even going to Chicago for free with them! how lovely.
ryan and i have officially been together for three whole years, go us!
katie moved to NYC for three months. Amanda and I will be visiting for the weekend for August 15th. Score!
seriously though, I miss my katie. Idk who to call on Friday nights and EVERY afternoon anymore...
schools is going to rule! I can sleep late. I can learn shit i want to learn about. rUleZ.

i really want to buy a bunch of expensive stuff!!
-cannon rebel!
-mac book pro
-new car (VW or a new CIVIC)
-new TV & dvd player
-a wii.

FIND ME THE NEW HAVE HEART CD!

haha i'll never buy any of that! ha

anyway, i might update this in a million years,
peace.

okay on the photo news front:

+my PENTAX ZX-50 is now operational! I cannot wait to finally get some use out of it and learn my way around an SLR. (how i'll spend my summer...)

+maybe a fish eye lens will be my next investment... 

+my prints from my fish eye are waiting for me at Sam's. (i got a disc of prints too, so I can post them later).

in other news:

+ i LOVE my nanny job. Today we went to UC for a fitting, blew bubbles and went to the zoo. 

+ this is proving to be a lovely summer, indeed.

+ i worked a combined total of 50 hours last week, between the squirrel and nannying.

+ i'm doing amazing with money and want an URBAN shopping spree.

+ i'll only have a quarter of pre-reqs. for my masters in SLP. :]

+ my booboobutt is the most wonderful boy walking the face of the earth.

+ i've finally learned to fix my hair the way i want it, now it's time for a new color.

+ INDIANA JONES THIS WEEK! oh yeah and UFC... but I'll most likely miss most of it, but at least this is my last double saturday at work.

okay, off to the bank, sam's and work!

major lulz.

From:

my should..

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Date:

May 18, 2008 3:27 PM

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Date Sent: 5/18/2008 3:27:00 PM
Body:
1. because youre awesome
2. because youre beautiful
3. because youre a girl and i actually like you
4. because youre super smart
5. because youre a loving person
6. because you care about me
7. because you like zombies
8. because you like ufc
9. because you like punk rock
10. because i sleep the best when youre around
11. because you take amazing pictures
12. because you hate stuff i hate
13. because you make fun of shit
14. because you smell good
15. because youre super generous
16. because you have a pretty smile
17. because i can cry around you
18. because you listen to me
19. because i sleep the best when youre around
20. because i dont love anyone as much as i love you

shia lababe

yummy.
i cannot wait to see indiana jones.
ryan and i going to rewatch the first 3 movies next week.
i am going to dream of making out with shia.
the end.

new hair and shoes dudes!

i'm done with my 3rd year of college.

i'm twenty-one.

i'm still forever the DD.

i'm ridiculously spoiled.

i'm the proud owner of the sweet dunks ever made. (pixxx soon!)

i'm a nanny as of monday.

i miss michael andrew lane...

next time i see him i'm going to hug him like an anaconda. 

i work doubles for the next 3 saturdays!

i get money.

so time for an update:
i hate going to every class except Abnormal Psych and Research Methods
i might just get my MA in Speech Pathology/Audiology, buck psychology.
i will not be drinking anytime soon and honestly its just to piss off all those kids that won't leave me alone about not drinking. haha no, not really, but it's funny to bum them out.
i will graduate on time! but i will go back for a year of pre-requirements for my masters program.
i will move out next summer. no doubts about it. hopefully with Katie.
the music i listen to consistently right now would gross out everyone i know. but most likely not surprise anyone.
i think i want to get a daycare job for this summer.

cool.
bye.

Rebirth...

it's spring. life is good.

b0r3d.

Put your music on shuffle or party shuffle in iTunes and fill in the names of the songs in the order they show up.


1. When I'm drunk I say: TO THE END (cast aside).
2. My message to the world has always been: REDEMPTION (switchfoot)
3. At my funeral they'll play: THEY PERCHED ON THEIR STILTS POINTING AND DARING ME TO BREAK CUSTOM (saosin)
4. My parents are like the song: DON'T STOP THE MUSIC (rihanna)
5. My family is described by the song: 9 TO 5 (lady sovereign)
6. My alter-ego is: STARRY CONFIGURATIONS (jets to brazil)
7. I'll have a good day if I can just hear: FREAK THOUGH (ti)
8. My make-out song is: PROTEST SONG #00 (american nightmare) [i like one minute men]
9. This song will be playing when I meet the love of my life: EVERYTHING'S SO COLD... BUT YOU'RE SO HOT (the early november)
10. My innermost desire is: VANUS EMPTY (dead poetic)
11. To cheer myself up I: ALL ON BLACK (alkaline trio)
12. At my wedding they'll play: NINETEEN STARS (meg&dia)
13. My theme song: HANDSHAKES (metric)
14. How will you die? INVASION (eisley)
15. My love of life was inspired by the song: IT'S MY TIME (rick ross)
16. My day will be like: RELEASE ME (mae)
17. When I'm in the shower, I sing: APATHY IS A COLD BODY (poison the well)
18. If I got lost on a desert island, I would yell: LAURA'S AUSTRALIAN DANCE PARTY (reggie and the full effect)
19. Will I ever have kids? AUTOGRAPHY (the starting line)
20. Somewhere in my wedding vows, I will include: LETTER TO A MENTOR (mashlin)
21. High school was like: DOROTHY DREAMS OF TORNADOES (cursive)
22. My friends see me as: INSPIRED BY THE $ (the starting line)
23. Behind my back, my friends think I'm: 460 TO NOWHERE (race the sun)
24. Next time I'm in front of a crowd, I'll say: DIFFERENCE OF VENGEANCE AND WRONGS (misery signals)
25. The best thing about me is: CONCUBINE (converge)
26. What I did did last night was: TARGET FORM (cool hand luke)
27. If I reached the top of Mount Everest, what I would scream: MORE VACATION (brighten)
28. My favorite thing to do is: MOLOTOV (dead poetic)
29. My ultimate song for dancing is: IN SUCH A STATE (edison glass)

MY CIVIC IS FIXED. L<3VE.

I think I might want to live in a big city. Public transportation is pretty amazing and cheap. I have no clue where life is taking me, but I'm enjoying the ride. I am 90% sure I won't graduate on time, but it's all good, I'm no longer in any rush to grow up. I do hope to move out next summer. Maybe even with Ryan, whatever, if people talk, let them talk.
So I still don't drink (fyi) and the big 2-1 is coming up and I am in turmoil on whether I should start or not. I don't think I will, but I think this no drinking run is coming to an end... I just don't want it to change me. Whatever.
I need money. Two trips. One month. One broke lady.

Katie Hoog, I love you. Seriously, you complete me.
Ryan Moo, be my boy for life.

Does anyone else think Lupe Fiasco is amazing? He is my current addiction. Check that out.

I got my sanity back.

i fainted in class today.

i am weighing me down.

dude, i cannot believe that i am that girl.

Life is weird right now. I hate Cincinnati more than ever since I got home from Florida. The weather here makes me want to go into a 20 year coma. Basically this is my life: school. feeling lonely. come home. go to sleep. or go to work THEN go to sleep. People try and get me to go out and I don't feel up to do anything but eat. sleep. become a hermit. i guess my whole social awkwardness is never going away.

I miss my car. I know I shouldn't be still upset about this crap, but honestly not being able to come and go as I please is driving me to sleep more. Dad left for Vegas this morning so I guess I have a car until tomorrow night when Kevin comes home and says its his car and that I can't use it. Shit.

I have some summer goals for myself, one of which to lose a bunch of weight. honestly i think this is the biggest i've ever been. katie needs to play a role in motivating me. i love katie. she is seriously my favorite ever. I want to study my butt off for the GRE and maybe convince someone to let me help them do research. I also want to save AT LEAST 6gs this summer so I can take 18 hrs both of my last semesters at NKU and graduate on time. God, I want to move to Dayton so bad. I want to decorate my apartment completely with IKEA furniture. I'd also like to get a laptop (macbook, plz!) and although I love my cannonbaby, I want a better digital. Idk if i'm SLR status yet, but i need an upgrade.

Sorry to Erin and Amanda for being a weak sis/friend. I hate myself right now, so it's okay if you do too.

oh yeah and I need to get my act together with school. not turning in projects is not a good idea.

LOST BLOG EVER.
the end.

ryan wrecked my car today.

oh and florida was okay.

babysteps.

i cannot wait to wake up with your arms wrapped around me for five days straight. To fall asleep and wake up with you still beside me. to smell your scent in the middle of the night. to kiss your cheek before we drift off to sleep. i need this. i need you. it's baby steps towards a time when this is a nightly occurance. when i am yours and you are mine.

i colored my hair. not sure if i'm into it or not. oh well, it's just hair. dude i am lost about what grad program to do. i guess i'll apply all around and see who accepts me. when i get my masters, i want to be called MASTER JOHNSON, doctoral degrees are call DR. whatever, so i want to be a master. i cannot wait to be in florida with my booboo. we are going to j alexander's for din-din tonight! lovely. i wish it was summer time. i am sick of it being cold and lame.


um, i still love james dewees.

i need update this sometime.

i will wait for you...

Life is still going okay. Grandpa is in a beautiful place where he can fix the lawn and his car and give the best hugs. It makes it easier to think that he is out of all that pain. I still want to visit grandma, to keep in touch better.
I met Rish for lunch yesterday and she showed me around the art building. She and I might get our nostrils pierced soon. Yikes. I missed her.
I babysat last night. How I missed those kiddies! I felt like I ran a mile after all that tag. They make me feel 6 again. I love it.
School is blowing my mind. I need March 8th to get here sooner.
Female vocalists are saving my life right now<3.

Well I'm off to meet Seb for the thrice/say anything show! It was his 21st yesterday! Grown ass man.
Thursday= Lost with my boo.
Friday = Entourage with my bro (Michael!)
Saturday = Babysitting joshy, t and my phia!
Sunday = Shopping with the Beavs (fingers crossed).

I love anyone who knows my name and face.

thanks for all the kisses.

Rest in Peace:
Edward A. Kathman
(grandpa next-door)
June 6, 1928 - February 15, 2008

rolemodel.

My life is getting to be so amazing & I love it.
Things get so much easier when you lose unreasonable expectations.
I like who I am right now, because its the first time in YEARS that I feel like my own person.
I listen to whatever I like. I do whatever I like. I take the classes I want. I dress how I want. It is completely freeing and I don't know why I didn't start this sooner.

Oh yeah, and I only HAVE to work MWF now! How sweet is that? I pick up serving shifts just about every Saturday to make a quick 80-120 bucks. Idk, things just seem to be falling into place to me.

Ryan and I are going to start going to Sat. services at the Vineyard. We leave for O-town on the 8th of March! We are going to have so much fun and I can't wait to see Jaysen!

All of my posts need to be like this!

not working on homework

god blessed me the day he dropped ryan into my life. he is by far more than i could even dream up. he loves me for who i am and makes me feel like i'm worth all the trouble. i know in my heart that he was made for me. we were meant to grow old and wrinkly together. no one will ever know me the way he does. he is my boyfriend, my best friend, my whole world. this is love times a million.

those hands have crafted an album that is quickly changing my life. honestly, i think dallas and i were soul mates in former life. i can personally relate to almost every song. it's terrifying. in other news, i'm on the brink of quitting my job, yet again. once they fix a paycheck from mid December, i think i'll put my two weeks in. i want to look into getting a research job so it looks better on my grad school transcripts. i'm almost a grown up. :]